The Couples' Couch

Introduction

The Couples’ Couch (est. 2010) is a CTY-Carlisle Session 2 social group of fun, tradition-loving individuals who congregate on the couches by the window in the basement of the HUB. The Couch formed in 2010 for the purposes of chilling, laughing, having fun, preserving tradition, opposing blatantly oppressive administrative tactics, causing shenanigans, generally living out CTY to the max, and, of course, coupling up making out on the couches if one is so inclined.

Known for being jokesters, leaders, and traditionalists, the Couch succeeded the Cult of Godzilla as Carlisle’s main tradition-preserving body, as the Cult’s membership was dwindling after the founders had long gone. All remaining Cultists joined the Couch.

Unlike some other groups at CTY, anyone at all can be a member of the Couples’ Couch, as long as they are fun, love CTY, and chill on the couch with the Couchers.

History

2010

The Couch informally began on the first day of CTY Session 2 2010, when founders Fish Stark and Marissa Lilly planned to walk around Carlisle before they had to check in with their halls. The excursion attracted a good deal of their friends from previous sessions, and so a large group went gallivanting around Carlisle, catching up and swapping jokes. But because it was a Sunday and the people of Carlisle are all devout church-goers, all the stores were closed, so the excursion eventually became a get-together in Avery Hardy’s dorm room.

The group stayed close as the session wore on, hanging out on the couches after meals and the quad during meet market. The original members brought friends from their halls and classes who were quickly assimilated into the group.

As the first week wore on, couples began to form within the group, as is the norm for CTY. Beginning with David and Isabella, and branching out to include many more (see Couples below), much of the group began to couple up. The weekend led to a good deal of snuggling and making out on the couches in the HUB basement during the increased amount of free time. As a joke, one of the Couchers, (Kaily Alberghini) put up a sign over the couch, declaring it “The Couples’ Couch.” Though the RAs took it down, the name stuck, and the group—even though it wasn’t exclusively couples—became known as “The Couples’ Couch.”

The couch quickly became known for three things. First and foremost was tradition. The Couch had 100% participation rates on drag day and Passionfruit, contained the last three remaining members of tradition giant Cult of Godzilla, including the 2010 and 2011 poetry goddesses, and took on the challenge of spreading traditions within their halls, classes, and among the squirrels.

The second hallmark of the Couch was the trademark humor the Couch spread around campus. With several Couchers possessing comedic talents (2008-2010 talent show MC Fish, 2009 talent show MC Whitney, Marissa, Kyj, Nate, Shom, and many others), members of the Couch popularized the Sexual Harassment Panda song (see Traditions and Events), successfully lobbied for Surfin’ Bird to be played at the dances, participated in dramatic readings of Ke$ha’s Tik Tok on poetry night, cracked the audience up at the talent show, and sang a loud and off-key rendition of “Milkshake” in dresses on Drag Day. Their jokes were always told in good faith, if not always in good taste—which occasionally drew the administration’s ire (See: The Day the Panda Died).

And finally, the couch was known for its members’ frequent public displays of affection—as is implied in the name. This also occasionally drew the ire of the administration, but as far as the Couch was concerned, it brought the Couchers together, and besides, what else are young, horny nerds going to do?

2011

Many of the couch’s 2010 members were nevermores, but the remaining members still believe in the Couch as a force to spread tradition, humor, and, of course, making out. The Couch is still very much alive.

Members

Extreme Couchers

These are the people who would be found chilling with the Couch at least once a day, during meals, on the couches after meals, on the quad during meet market, whenever.

Occasional Couchers

These people were not necessarily everyday visitors to the Couples’ Couch, but were good friends of the Couchers nonetheless.

Bex

Class: InterPol

Hallmates with: Ethics B (Marissa L, Marissa F, Sarah, Whitney, Amalia, Gaines, Isabella)

Coupled with: Adam (See Relationships)

Fun Facts:

Adam McCann

Class: InterPol

Hallmates with: Unknown

Coupled with: Bex (See Relationships)

Fun Facts:

Valentine Baldarassi

Class: Existentialism

Hallmates with: Film Essay

Coupled with: None

Fun Facts: Marissa Lilly's roommate, first session

Kim (aka hat girl)

Class: Unknown

Hallmates with: Unknown

Coupled with: None

Fun Facts: Wore a fedora everywhere.

Patrick Kennedy

Class: Philosophy of Mind

Hallmates with: Ethics A

Coupled with: Julie (?)

Fun Facts: Passionfruit Emperor 2010

Michaela Rodriguez

Class: Intro to Creative Writing

Hallmates with: Unknown

Coupled with: None

Fun Facts: Passionfruit Empress 2010

Jon Kirby—“Kirby”

Class: Film Essay

Hallmates with: Unknown

Coupled with: None

Fun Facts: Passionfruit Empress 2011

Julia Gureck

Class: Film Essay

Hallmates with: Existentialism

Coupled with: Dane (See Relationships)

Fun Facts: Passionfruit Emperor 2011

2011

Jon Kirby is coupled with Grace Croley (not a member of the couples' couch). EDIT: Actually, although Jon and I did occasionally act overly affectionate, we were not in a relationship. Julia Gureck and I, however, did have many homoerotic happy fun times together. Until she cheated on me. The little trollop. -Grace

Renée Vogt

Class: Electrical Engineering

Hallmates with: Existentialism

Coupled with: Duncan (see Relationships)

Fun Facts: Rave King 12.2, Father of Rebecca Trickey

Couples

The couch as a whole was close-knit, and everyone was even closer with their classmates, hallmates, and bromantical partners. But the couples were what made the Couch into The Couples’ Couch, so here they are in all their glory:

2010

David and Isabella

Status: Ended after CTY

Fun facts: The first couple, formed late in the first week, known for being hopelessly romantic. Isabella’s first love. She was often found snuggling perpendicularly across David, or making out with him. When they were caught in the middle of the latter they were often embarrassed, and in order to humiliate them further the Sexual Harassment Panda song was born. They were one of the few couples to attempt to keep a relationship going after CTY, traveling across the country to see each other several times and even going on a cruise, but they parted ways amicably after several months.

Marissa Flores and Cairo David

Status: Ended with CTY

Marissa Lilly and Matt

Status: Ended with CTY

Fun facts: No means yes!

Fish and Teres(r)a

Status: Ended during CTY

Fun facts: Got together during Stairway to Heaven at the first dance, but parted ways amicably on ModSat after realizing they were better off friends.

Fish and Sarah

Status: Ended with CTY

Fun facts: One of the two late-blooming couples that began on ModSat.

Kyj and Cheryl

Status: Ended after CTY

Fun facts: Kyj and Cheryl were the craziest couple around, termed “CTY’s Power Couple” by Fish during his emcee act. Made out with pop rocks in their mouths frequently. See “RHINOCEROS” for more.

Ronald and Kaily

Status: Ended during CTY

Fun facts: Another short-lived couple, occurring in the middle of the second week.

Adam and Bex

Status: Ended after CTY

Fun Facts: This was the only relationship that continued from a prior CTY session. Adam and Bex had dated previously. Several months after CTY, they ended their long-distance relationsip.

Dane and Julia

Status: Ended with CTY

Fun Facts: Another late-blooming couple, getting together at the dance on ModSat.

2011

Charlie and Julia

Status: Soulmates (still together)

Fun Facts: Their relationship is not entirely consensual, illegal in New Jersey, and involves lots of staring.

Christian and Marissa

Status: Still together

Fun Facts: Ex chex. and Ke$ha Spice. What more is there to say?

Ben and Julie

Status: ?

Fun Facts: Julie likes to grope Ben's legs. At First Friday, it was announced that Julie wanted to have casual sex with Ben and also have his children.

Duncan and Renee

Status: Ended with CTY

Fun Facts: Both awesome ravers. Both awesome in general. Often seen hugging (not really dancing) during Stairway and other slow songs at dances, and never really broke the PDA rules... (although they were alone in Renee's room for 15 minutes the last day...)

Ross (K) and Kat

Status: Question mark?

Fun Facts: Ross was not actually an active member of the Couch, but Kat was often found couching with the best.

Traditions and Events

The Couples’ Couch had a lot of fun and did a lot of cool stuff. Here’s a year-by-year account:

Sexual Harassment Panda Song

The Sexual Harassment Panda Song, based on a song in a popular South Park episode, was sung to annoy snogging couples (and sometimes RAs). The lyrics were shortened and changed from the original version. It was sung: Don’t do that! Don’t touch that! Don’t put that in there! Sexual harassment (beat) panda! The song was sung frequently on the couples’ couch and especially during Meet Market until its untimely demise (See Diplomacy, The Day the Panda Died)

Panda at the Talent Show

The Panda song made two appearances at the talent show. First, after Fish accidentally forgot Avery’s name when she yelled at him from the audience and went up to give her an apologetic hug, Kyj led the auditorium in the Sexual Harassment Panda song in response. Later, during Fish’s traditional sketch where he lies on top of the piano in a nightclub dress, he mock-chided the audience for staring and led the room in another round of the Panda song.

Panda at Starcrash

In response to couples making out, Kyj led the auditorium in the Panda song again during Starcrash.

The Grapist

“The Grapist” is a viral video by the comedy group Whitest Kids You Know, spoofing advertising in this short about an advertising exec who prepares a commercial for a children’s grape drink, featuring a scary grape that repeats the phrase “I’m gonna grape you!” and variants thereof in a pun on rape. Phrases from the video became inside jokes within the Couch, and, based on a joke in the video, Couchers would remark that someone was “asking for it” if they wore purple.

Glue Factory

One day, the Neuroscience boys, led by Kyj, found a picture in a children’s coloring book of a galloping horse. They colored the drawing brightly, and then named the horse “Glue Factory”. This had the Couples’ Couch in stitches for a good while

Are You Nervous?

Are You Nervous? is a game where one player makes repeated physical advances upon another player until the second player declares that they are nervous and asks the first player to stop. The first player does, out of respect. Most of the time. Kyj was the undisputed Are You Nervous? champ, with Brandon and Nate not far behind.

Man Rape

The men of the couch would sometimes place their hands on each others’ chests as if they were groping a woman. It was a funny and oddly successful male bonding tactic.

Why It's Funny

During a first-night hall improv session, Dane, Fish, and Nate remarked to each other that jokes aren’t funny when some explains them. Then they realized that they could overexplain their jokes for ironic effect and make them even funnier, and so they did.

Avery's Amorality

Avery used to be sweet, kind, attractive, and innocent, but in 2010 she became simply sweet, kind, and attractive. Her sudden loss of innocence, dogged desire to find a man, and many male partners became both the subject of hilarious stories she told and the subject of lighthearted jokes from the entire couples’ couch. She dated several guys, trying to find one she liked, going through an overzealous Latin American named Mauricio, Ronald, a guy named Parag, and others before finding a nice boy named Silas. She also groaned orgasmically during massages and attempted to apply her lip gloss with her cleavage a la Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club. Even though her behavior made her the subject of several passionfruit toasts “to Avery’s amorality”, Couchers were quick to step in and correct anyone who was critical of Avery’s behavior, because, after all, she was a good person…if you don’t go by the Biblical definition or anything.

Listening to Nate Play His Guitar

Nate played and sang guitar very well, and members of the couch would listen to him play in Kline, or on Upper Quad during the weekends. He sang All Time Low songs and even a few of his own creation.

Surfin' Bird

Shom, Marissa, and Matt decided during the second week that the famously annoying song Surfin’ Bird (known also as “That Fucking Bird-Is-The-Word Song”) needed to be played at the talent show. They approached Mike, Dianna, and Shellhammer about playing the song, and so it was played at the dance. The proper dance procedure to Surfin’ Bird is forming a Conga line.

Dance Greatness

The Couch often danced together at dances. Nate, Kyj, and Ross were master ravers, and Nate had the additional ability to pull off a wonderful Michael Jackson dancing impersonation. Couchers could often be seen lobbying for more Canon to be played, and, to the ire of the RAs, making out during the slow songs.

Over The Wall Team

Kyj organized a giant team to participate in the “Over The Wall” activity during Big Saturday, sending more people over the wall of boxes than any other team. However, before the entire team had gone, someone knocked a box over, negating the Couch’s high score.

Cool Story Bro

“Cool story, bro,” was a phrase often used by Couchers. Cool story, bro.

RHINOCEROS

One fine weekend, the couples were lying on the Couples’ Couch unsupervised, making out and other such naughtiness. Suddenly, Kyj bellowed “I’m a rhinoceros!” and buried his head in Cheryl’s chest like a charging rhino. Cheryl was shocked and the entire couch was in hysterics.

Drag Day

In addition to an astounding participation rate and a great rendition of Milkshake, the Couples’ Couch managed to cram 25 people onto on of the downstairs HUB couches. Photographic proof is here: [1] Left to right: Marissa Lilly, Matt Clymer (feet only), Amalia Bowen, William McKay (from Fish, Nate, Dane, and Bronzky’s hall), unidentifiable, Teres(r)a Zarmer, Fish Stark, David Ernyey, Marissa Flores, Avery Hardy, Kyj Nohachevsky, Cheryl Kapahu, Kaily Albergheni, Valentine Baldarassi, Ronald Zhang, Ross Rheigans-Yoo Front: Shom Ganguly.

Diplomacy

When a group is as large and as shenanigan-prone as The Couples’ Couch, there are bound to be interactions with RAs—both good and bad. While the Couchers had a very good relationship with individual RAs (and SRA Mike), they sometimes found themselves at odds with the administration, especially DRL Megan, who the couch unanimously agreed was a touch too confrontational. She was christened “Il Duce”. All the interesting Couch-staff interactions are recorded below.

I Am an Adult. I Work on Computers.

One weekend, the Couchers were hanging on the couch and joking with SRA Mike. They got a little loud and he instructed everyone to keep it down, telling the Couchers that college employees were trying to work, moving his hands up and down to indicate typing. Or at least that’s what he seemed to be doing. He looked more like a T-Rex. The following exchange ensued:

Mike: There are people working in here!

Nate: Are they dinosaurs?

Mike, milking the hand gesture for all it was worth (it was worth a lot to the Couchers, they found it hilarious), repeated the dinosaur hand motions and said in a robot voice “I am an adult. I work on computers.” The gesture and voice were repeated throughout the week by couch members.

Jazz Hands

One night during the second week, the Couples of the Couples’ couch were sitting in a circle. RA Striker was sitting with them, shining a light in their faces and calling for random “hand checks”, even when it was plain to see no fondling was going on. Fish, whose girlfriend wasn’t there (Teres(r)a was showering), was annoyed by the light in his face and the obnoxious hand checks (which were unnecessary when Striker could see exactly what they were doing), and hid his hands behind his back, refusing to submit to the hand check—his girlfriend wasn’t there, where else would his hands have been? After repeated requests by Striker to show his hands and repeated refusals, Kyj jumped up, got behind Fish, and poked his hands out through the crooks of Fish’s arms, making “jazz hands” for Striker. This enraged Striker, who held the flashlight under his chin in an attempt to scare Fish and Kyj and threatened all manner of punishments that he never followed through on. Fish showed his hands, Striker lectured some more, and everyone went home unhappy, albeit slightly less so because there were jazz hands.

The Day The Panda Died

On the third Tuesday, the Couples were sitting in the Adirondack chairs on Upper Quad, laughing and joking and making out. At one point, the group broke out into the Sexual Harassment Panda song, at which point SRA Lauren, who had been listening in, defied everything that had ever been thought about her quiet, shy demeanor and yelled at the top of her lungs for the Couchers to stop, that the song was completely inappropriate and they knew it, and that they were “the leaders of the camp” and should be setting a better example. Lauren’s sudden display of ferocity shut the group up for a good while, and the Sexual Harassment Panda song was never heard again for the remainder of the session.

Megan's Ban on Lying Down

One weekend, the couples of the Couples’ Couch were lying down in the grass when Megan came by and spontaneously banned lying down. This was met with outcry and protest, but Megan quickly left before anyone had a chance to argue with her.

Complimenting Mike's Shoes

Mike had awesome shoes with individual compartments for each toe. Whenever he walked by in them, a Coucher would always compliment him.

2011

Name	Class	Hallmates With	Coupled With	Fun Facts
Fish Stark	Ethics A (Fish was attempting to take Ethics with Marissa, Isabella, Sarah, and his other friends, but his being one month shy of 15 stranded them in separate classes, which was kind of a scam)	Philosophy of Mind (Dane, Nate, Bronzky, Patrick)	Teres(r)a, Sarah (See Relationships)	Talent show MC 2008-2010, attended CTY since 2003 and often seen wearing giant lanyard chain. Relationship advice-giver—“Straight gay best friend.” (Isabella). Formed a lucrative a capella group with Nate for casino night.
Marissa Lilly	Ethics B	InterPol (Bex)	Matt (See Relationships)	Extremely tall (many people borrowed her clothes for drag day), original Surfin’ Bird songster, came up with Megan’s nickname. Touched lots of cookies on casino night.
Marissa Flores	Ethics B	InterPol	Cairo David (See Relationships)
Matt Clymer	Ethics B	Neuroscience (Kyj, Shom, Ronald)	Marissa L (See Relationships)	Often seen with headphones around his neck, original Surfin’ Bird songster. “Made it rain” on casino night, nearly sparking a riot.
David Ernyey--“Cairo David”	Ethics B	Neuroscience	Marissa F (See Relationships)	Nicknamed Cairo David for his overseas residence.
David Levine	Ethics B	Neuroscience	Isabella (See Relationships)
Isabella Rosner	Ethics B	InterPol	David (See Relationships)	Does not tolerate awkward silences. Loves Colin Firth.
Sarah Williams	Ethics B	InterPol	Fish (See Relationships)	Extremely short.
Teres(r)a Zarmer	Film Essay	Existentialism (Cheryl, Karen, Elizabeth, Rhianna)	Fish (See Relationships)	Her name was spelled wrong on her declining balance card, changing from Teresa to Teresra, hence the nickname.
Cheryl Kapahu	Existentialism	Film Essay (Julia, Teres(r)a)	Kyj (See Relationships)	Hawaiian.
Kyj Nohachevsky	Neuroscience	Ethics B (David, Cairo David, Matt, Ross)	Cheryl (See Relationships)	Living legend. From Baby CTY at Stanford with Fish, a big doer of shenanigans. Best known for “spelunking” in the ceiling on the last night of 2009, falling out, and nearl being kicked out. Amazing raver at dances.
Dane Jennings	Philosophy of Mind	Ethics A (Fish)	Julia (See Relationships)	Accomplice to Kyj’s 2009 shenanigans, brilliant piano player.
Nathan Rothstein	Philosophy of Mind	Ethics A	Girlfriend outside of CTY	Plays guitar, wears guitar pick on a chain around neck, refers to self as “The douchebag with the guitar.” Only couch member to have a significant other back home in 2010. Dances like Michael Jackson and raves quite well. Formed a lucrative a capella group with Fish during Casino Night.
Avery Hardy	Philosophy of Mind	Electrical Engineering	Ronald (See Relationships), Others (See Avery’s Amorality)	Owns lots of shoes. See Avery’s Amorality.
William Trotman—“Bronzky”	Philosophy of Mind	Ethics A	None	Nicknamed Bronzky by his hallmates; champion Mao dealer.
Ronald Zhang	Neuroscience	Ethics B	Avery, Kaily (See Relationships)	Often seen wearing cool shades; newest addition to the glowstick circle at dances.
Kaily Albergheni	Neuroscience	Ethics B	Ronald (See Relationships)	Frequently wore a fedora.
Shom Ganguly	Neuroscience	Ethics B	None	Larger-than-life, hilarious, one of the original Surfin’ Bird songsters.
Ross Rheighans-Yoo	Ethics B	Neuroscience	None	Poetry Goddess 2010, Cult of Godzilla member, tradition expert, frequently seen in a duct-tape fedora. Legendary raver at dances. In Soviet Russia, Ross Rheighans-Yoo!
Gaines Merriweather	Ethics B	InterPol	None	Cult of Godzilla member.
Amalia Bowen	Ethics B	InterPol	None	Cult of Godzilla member, Poetry Goddess 2011, often seen in a baseball cap.
Karen Chen	Existentialism	Film Essay	None
Elizabeth Berg	Existentialism	Film Essay	None
Rhianna Kern	Existentialism	Film Essay	None
Brandon Marks	Unknown	Unknown	None	Plays guitar and Are You Nervous?
Whitney Wu	Ethics B	InterPol	None	Talent show MC 2009, often seen in a top hat with bunny ears.