The Schnade

The Schnade, sometimes called the Schnades, is a Lancastrian disease that gained great momentum and notoriety during 07.2 but has been referred to both before and after that session. It is the disease one gets from living in Schnader Hall, but it can also infect people who have made out or come in contact with Schnader residents. Although most CTYers had never heard of the Schnade until 07.2, this may be only because Schnader was most widely used in 07.2, with every girls' hall except for two being located there. Veteran Schnader RAs and students have been heard asserting the existence of the Schnade in past years.

Symptoms

Symptoms of the Schnade include coughing, sneezing, dizziness, fatigue, sore throat, congestion, runny nose, swollen sinuses, a generally horrible feeling of despair, and lack of belief in anything good in life. People afflicted with the Schnade flooded the health offices, desperate for Sudafed, Actifed, and the most wonderful cough drops in existence, Cepacol. After a while the nurses limited people to one Cepacol at a time, after which an intense demand rose up, and someone with a pack of maybe three Cepacol became more popular than a drug dealer. There was at least one incident of someone making out with someone else to get to the Cepacol inside their mouth.

Strains

About halfway through the session, an ugly spectre reared its head: the Schnade v.2, also called Xtreme TB. The Schnade v.2 was much like the Schnade except that its victims coughed up mucus and blood. The nurses dismissed the coughing blood as a perfectly normal symptom and gave the victims more Cepacol.

Although rumors were flying about the Schnade v.3, it never really materialized. There were a few people who threw up everything they ate, which led to it being named Schnade v.3. Some call it "a mild case of death."

Some people say that the Schnade v.4 is chicken pox. Indeed, Julie Leghorn contracted the chicken pox in 2007. She lived in Schnader both sessions, and after suffering through the regular Schnade, she was diagnosed at the Lancaster ER with the chicken pox on Second Sunday. It turns out that she had contracted the disease during intersession when she left campus to watch Harry Potter (the varicella virus that causes the chicken pox has a long incubation period), rather than by Mother Schnader. After being diagnosed, she was isolated in South Ben on her own hall, and was not allowed to return to her room.

It became a widespread joke that Schnade v.4 was your skin "running away". There were no cases of this reported; however, those who consider v.3 as death and v.4 as the departure of skin have labeled throwing up as the Schnade v.5. It has been said that Schnade v. 42 is loss of soul, but this may just be a rumor.

One person with the Schnade v.2 was diagnosed with pneumonia when she returned home, but the doctor told her it was not contagious unless she actually coughed up mucus into someone's mouth, which she certainly did not. This student eventually made a full recovery. Also, the other people with Schnade v.2 were not diagnosed with pneumonia, so that cannot explain the entire endemic (and not an epidemic, because epidemics must cross physical or cultural borders, whereas the Schnade did not).

The strains of the Schnade are summarized thusly:

• V1 - Sick
• V2 - Coughing Up Blood
• V3 - Death
• V4 - Skin Leaving Body
• V5 - Throwing Up Everything You Eat

or

• V1 - Sick
• V2 - Coughing Up Blood
• V3 - A Minor Case of Death
• V4 - Chicken Pox
• V42 - Loss of Soul!

Causes

Causes of the Schnade are widely pondered. Many people point to Schnader's legendary humidity/dampness as the source, while others blame the massive amounts of mold growing in Schnader's showers and air conditioners which would arise due to the extreme dampness. The mold can be easily spotted in large black splotches that cover bathroom mirrors. Still others are skeptics and believe that the Schnade is just an ordinary infectious illness and had nothing to do with its victims' place of residence.

These people have never lived in Schnader Hall.

The Schnade is rumored to have been started in 07.1 by a girl who slept too close to the air conditioner and who passed it on to others via sharing drinks and such. Site Director Brian Bloomfield said that it came from an SRA living in South Schnader Base. She came to CTY sick First Session, got everyone in Schnader base sick through the air conditioners, and they got other people sick. A second strain arose in Session Two (SRA became sick again, Schnade evolved), and it was also passed into the air conditioner (and through double-sessioners) but spread to more people because of the constant PDAing.

Other Schnade Outbreaks

The Schnade made a reappearance in 08.1, leading returning students to dub it "The Schnade: Platinum Edition." This led to much panic among Alcovians when two of their number were sent to the emergency room, one being a Rocky Horror cast member two days before Second Saturday. This also caused the administration to force everyone in Schnader to leave their windows open for a day.

In 2009, students with The Schnade were often mistaken to have the H1N1 virus (also known as swine flu). Because every student had his/her temperature taken daily, many students were sent home by the health office in order to prevent a flu outbreak. While some of these students did indeed have the flu, most simply were running a slight fever coupled with The Schnade.

In 14.1, with the loss of Schnader to Soccer Camp under the guise of renovations, which caused many other problems including the loss of rehearsal space for Rocky, the Schnade took on a new form in the Bons. Beginning with Bonnie Nguyen, who the disease is so aptly named after, many CTYers became sick and visited the health office for several days. Bonnie, Patient Zero of the Bons, after her return to the Quad, soon discovered that the Bons was not just the Schnade, but it was really pregnancy ("IT'S A BOY!" "IT'S BLAMMO JESUS!"). After the discovery, many attempted to get the Bons at Passionfruit by sipping from the same SKL bottle as Bonnie. The Bons worked its way through intersession, and many during 14.2 became sick through massive breaking of PDA rules (Grace Nie kissed 74 people).

The Schnades came back with a vengeance in 15.1 with the return of Schnader as a boys' dorm. Reports of mold visibly growing in air conditioners were spread throughout the program. As North Ben was a girls' dorm, many also got sick from the North Benese mold. This gave birth to the Bens. The Schnades of 15.1 was characterized with a slight fever and lasted about two days with a post-nasal drip. Symptoms included loss of voice, general shittiness, and lethargy. The difference between the Schnades and the Bens was subtle, but if one made careful observation, one was able to tell whose SKL bottle the patient had been drinking from (or who they made out with).

"Schnades" is also, by now, shorthand for any disease picked up in Lancaster regardless of whether or not Schnader is actually open.