Ethics

Ethics - how to live a good life (or, if you're one of those bastards following in Kant's footsteps, which is the morally correct action to choose in any given situation). In ethics, you'll study a bunch of dead guys and a) how they thought everyone should act in X way, as well as b) how they themselves didn't act in X way because they sucked. Except for Bentham, who had his mummified body put on display in his college, and had his head stolen and used as a soccer ball/team banner. He was pretty chill.

Studies often begin with virtue ethics in Aristotle, and then proceed through egoism (which is HORRIBLE and should appeal to NOBODY, wink wink), utilitarianism (which kind of makes a bit of sense, sort of), and Kantianism (which might be worth following if the guy didn't have such a penchant for horrible run-on sentences that will literally take up an entire half of a page saying one stupid thing because German depends on such weird grammar and clause and modifier rules...they can make awesome beer and schniztels and they can't make a freaking language that doesn't suck). Be warned that this may lead you to have WWKD? (What Would Kant Do?) written in Sharpie on your hand. The Kant Kult will never die. Ever.

...Ever.

If you're lucky, you might get Ben Chan, who tells dead baby jokes all the time and helpfully explains, "Nothing is better than sex. Masturbation is better than nothing. Ergo, masturbation is better than sex!" Or you can get Super Q (alias Dr. Q or Quayshawn), who does the awesome-est cartoon pictures ever- (and makes you slap babies and discuss mutant frog babies).