User:Curtainlurker

CHS.06.1.WRIT.A → Queen Anne, Linnea's hall.
BTH.07.2.HERO → Hassler 1, Lucy's hall.
LAN.08.2.WRT3.A → Thomas 2 South, Kirsten's hall.
LAN.09.2.ETYM.A → Schnader 1 North, Kirsten's hall.
LAN.10.1.WR4B → Thomas 2 South, Kristen's hall.
LAN.11.2.COGN.B → Thomas 4 North, Tara's hall.

I am Marnie, and:

• a forevermore
• the LAN 09.2, 10.1, and 11.2 Quotekeeper
• a spouse in the 161-person marriage to Mike M. at LAN.09.2
• "the kind of person who brings out the evil in someone. Or, combination evil/sweet. Like a particularly diabolical Swedish fish." ~ Declan Kennedy
• ...adorable?

Along with lots of other things.

I love CTY, and I love you. Is that poetic enough?

LAN.09.2 Quotebook

Disclaimer: Various quotes were also scrounged from Haley B-E’s Notebook of Win and Giby Gibianski’s Thought Book, since much of the quote book was lost near the end of the session…cutting it down from around 300 quotes to near 150. I hope that's okay with you guys.

1. “Otter, I’m a killer whale!” ~ Various
2. “Wanna see a repeat joke?” ~ Various Alcovians
3. “Sweetie, forget her. I’ll bear your children.” ~ Eliz
4. Ali: “Listen, I know I’m a good looking woman, but please leave me alone.”
Otter: *laughs* “I have no morals.”
5. *with hands flung out at ninety-degree angles* “Okay, I know I’m Jesus, but don’t take it this literally…” ~ Eliz
6. “I told you I wanted the whipped cream half an hour ago!” ~ Otter
7. “Oh my god, he’s finally dead!” *proceeds to lick*” ~ Race
8. “Pikachu! I just wanna chop you up and feed you to orphans!” ~ Otter
9. “Hey Sean, what’s the etymology of ‘orgy’?” ~ Ramsey
10. “The service of a prostitute cannot be brought back.” ~ Greek textbook
11. Charlie: My door is open from 10:30 to 11 every night, and you can come in whenever you like.
Otter: Ooooh! I will.
12. “I’m Hermione’s Patronus!” ~ Otter
13. “Did he make you deputy Headmaster?” (Press Conference: Married Dumbledore)
14. “Am I Race in Harry Potter land?” ~ Charlie
15. “Wait, horses have sex?” ~ Allison
16. “I think we just gave Otter the quirk of…being Otter.” (Party Quirks: thinks that he’s a character in High School Musical)
17. “Don’t be subtle! You have only three weeks to get her to take her pants off!” ~ Cleo
18. “When slow dancing, you have to leave room for Jesus. Except you don’t need to leave that much room, because she’s really skinny.” ~ Liz
19. “Everything in Gumdrop Land is make of Gumdrops.” (New choice!) “Everything in Gumdrop Land is made of lava.” ~ Race/Vinny
20. “I’m a little worried about this.” (New choice!) “I’m a little sad about this. (New choice!) “I’m going to kill you.” ~ Eliz
21. “It makes me want to eat lubricant.” ~ Vinny
22. “O Great and Mighty Sphinx, are Voldemort and Michael Jackson the same person?”
“Yes.” “Period.”
23. “Hugs have to be three to five seconds, so keep going or you’ll make me uncomfortable.” ~ Marnie
24. “VOLFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!” ~ My Immortal
25. “All hail Sean Lake’s crotch…all hail Sean Lake’s crotch…” ~ Tess
26. “It’s clearly unicorn buttsex.” ~ Wendy
27. “Feel the tree! Feel the photosynthesis!” ~ Otter Lee
28. Park Bench: “Hi, I go on 4chan.”
29. “The blue-green fish is purple.” ~ Connie
30. “Oooh, I have a pickup line! You. Me. Rule 34.”
31. “Flesh is strength.” ~ Sean
32. “This sentence is beautiful.” ~ Allison
33. “What’s your pet peeve?”
Declan: “Murder.”
34. “Death is bad. To steal is bad. Therefore, death = stealing.” ~ Ramsey
35. “One in every hundred images is a cow.” ~ Ramsey
36. “Pain. Is. Pleasure.” ~ ETYM class (οδὐνη ἡδονη)
37. “The winds are the bile of horses.” ~ Tess
38. Tess: “The marketplace of children is the theater of pain.”
Sean: “The marketplace of pain is the theater of children!”
39. “My brother is a woman.” - Tess
40. “Half a fish is holy.” ~ Sara
41. “This is my Gnomic saying: women are hot.” ~ Yoni
This is quote 42.
43. [reading Life of Pi] “I looked between my legs. I thought I would faint for joy.”
"Bzzt.”
44. “I hate you. Let’s go bowling.” ~ Em
45. “I need a thermometer condom.” ~ Various
46. “Dammit! I’m in drag and I’m still gay.” ~ Liz
47. “I’m another kind of happy. Trigger happy.” ~ Mike
48. “No throwing ninja stars in class!” ~ Tortoise
49. Marnie: My favorite weapons are words.
Dan: My favorite weapons are guns!
50. “You may be awarded penance or penis points, and you are not allowed to say anus pronouns while in the Universe.” ~ Gibi/Liz
51. Ben: “Hey guys, look!” *holds up cicada shell*
Marnie: “FFFFFFUUUUUUU”
Ben: “No, no, it’s empty. It’s an empty outside shell.”
Marnie: “It’s just…like…me…”
52. Gibi: “People usually use their fingers, but I get yelled at a lot for that.”
“Bzzt.”
53. “Oh man, you wanna hear about Sada Abe? Okay, so there was this married couple in Japan, right, and they were really into sadomasochism so they kept strangling each other and threatening one another with a kitchen knife and were all turned on by it. Yeah? So Sada Abe, she cuts off her husband’s penis, he bleeds to death…and she pulls a Race.” ~ Marnie
54. “In Soviet Russia, babies eat YOU!” ~ Liz
55. Sean: “Where is the worst place to be stabbed in battle?”
Allison: “Your…area!”
56. “I just killed 108 people. Now dance! Dance like it’s a wedding!” ~ Odysseus (paraphrased by Sean Lake)
57. “No, unfortunately, Ovid didn’t have Viagra.” ~ Sean Lake
58. “Bullets are like raindrops. Except faster.” ~ Sean Lake
59. Noah: “O Great and Mighty Sphinx, why did you think this was a good idea?” [referring to giant nomore pile]
Vinnie: “Shut.”
Race: “Down.”
60. “O Great and Mighty Sphinx, how do you get a black lanyard?”
“Favors.” “Sexual.”
61. “O Great and Mighty Sphinx, what is love?”
“Baby.” “Don’t.” “Hurt.” “Me. “NOMORE.” “Period.”
62. “O Great and Mighty Sphinx, what are the other ingredients of strawberry kiwi lemonade?”
“Rip’s.” “Pants.” “America.” “Period.”
63. “So apparently, six or more people in a bed without shoes on constitutes an orgy.” ~ Liz
64. ???: “I’m sorry.”
???: “Stop apologizing!”
???: “I’m sorry.”
65. (to Marnie in pigtails, suit jacket, and fedora) “You look just like a terrorist!” ~ Otter
66. Sean: “Oh yeah, all my friends call me that.”
Yoni: “Are they really your friends?”
67. “Don’t you DARE lick those people!” ~ RA Sarah
68. “I always thought human flesh was kinda sour-tasting.” ~ Gibi?
69. Charlie: “There’s this joke that our hall [TOPI B] is the most homoerotic hall on cam — “
Mike: “THAT WASN’T A JOKE, CHARLIE.”
70. “So she declared.”[1] ~ Various
71. “[goose call]” ~ Stacee
72. “Why haven’t you been answering your calculator?!” ~ Declan
83. “You[r mouth] taste[s] like a KiVO spoon.”
84. “What’s this? Otter is evolving into…RA Charlie!” ~ Alex
85. “A wild Dennis appears!” ~ Alex
86. “Dennis uses ASK NICELY. It has no effect.” ~ Alex
87. “Incest is WINCEST!” ~ Liz
88. “I’m straight as a rainbow.” ~ Liz? Dennis?
89. “What happens at CTY, stays on Facebook.” ~ Stu
90. Sean: “Do it from behind so I can’t see it coming.”
ETYM: “Bzzt.”
91. Sean: “What’s your name again?”
???: “So she declared…"
92. “Happily single means you’re happy I’m single.” ~ Cassidy
93. “No, I’ve already been impregnated four times today, so I’m pretty sure it’s you.” ~ Liz
94. “Your reasoning is phallacious. It resembles a penis.” ~ Liz/Haley
95. “Sausage fail.” ~ Dennis
96. Liz: “Orifice-hole.”
Haley: “Isn’t that kind of redundant?”
Liz: “Hole-hole.”
Haley: “Hole squared.”
Liz: “Meta-meta logic-logic-logic.”
Emma: “What on earth was in the food today?”
97. “Do you want me to put your basilisk in my chamber of secrets?” ~ Liz (Also: “It would be a bad thing if the basilisk died inside the Chamber of Secrets…”)
98. ‘The lesbians were not discovered by me.” ~ Gibi
99. “Cherry-flavored assault?” ~ Liz
100. “Stop! You’re egging on the gay orgy in my bedroom!” ~ Vinny
101. “He’s trying to make me female!” ~ Dennis
102. “Single-file lines are for Nazis.” ~ Otter
103. “Two people, one very large diving suit.” ~ Haley
104. “We don’t want KiVO to crucify us!” ~ Victor/Charlie/Gibi
105. “That must suck about being tall. You have a small penis. Ha-ha, tall people, ha-ha!” ~ Victor
106. “Are there nuclear launch codes embedded into your gay porn? … Is ‘nuclear launch’ now a euphenism?” ~ Cassidy
107. “Why is Antarctica a fish?” ~ Liz
108. “And the cheese is like ‘Caw! Caw!’ and the raven is like, ‘HOLY SHIT! A talking cheese! I don’t wanna eat that,’ and flies away. And then the fox dies of radiation poisoning.” ~ Gibi
109. “Michael Jackson: The Game. You accumulate white points to eventually become as white as possible. LIttle boys boost your energy and make you happy.” ~ James
110. “Look what you’ve done! You fucked the rainbow off!” ~ Victor
111. Shae: “Welcome to GLOW.”
?: “Wait, you mean this isn’t zombie awareness? … I guess I’ll be leaving now…”
112. “I feel dirty in so many languages now…” ~ Cassidy
113. “You realize Second Saturday is like Victor’s Christmas, right?” ~ Cassidy
114. “I’m not a whore. I feel depressed.” ~ Rebecca
115. “Cells reproduce asexually. I am made of cells. Therefore, I reproduce asexually.” ~ Sam (guy Sam)
116. “Aww, they’re so cute…poop.” ~ Haley
117. Dan: “Charlie, my penis just broke in half.”
Charlie: “That’s okay…cuz you can put it back togedda wit some RIIIIIIICE!”
118. “Wait…there are twins that make out? I want to see that!” ~ Gibi
119. “Your hair smells like my outhouse. … I mean, there’s a scented candle and it smells like that. … Oh, shut up.” ~ Cassidy
120. “Victor’s very rape-able.” ~ Jay
121. “A wonderful children’s book: Do Vampires Eat Piggies?” ~ Liz
122. “If you show me your gay porn, I’ll tell you who I’m stalking.” ~ Cassidy
123. Victor: “I’m having sex with your back.”
Gibi: “…is it a good sex partner?”
Victor: “No. It SUCKS.”
124. “Wait…someone gave Stuart Red Bull? That’s like giving Osama bin Ladin your stockpile of SARS.” ~ Cassidy
125. “…an overwhelming desire to fuck one’s mom or climb back into one’s uterus.” ~ Peter
126. “Tonks — she can change herself into thousands of different faces — AND THEY’RE ALL ON FIRE!” ~ Cassidy
127. “You guys are awful human beings.” ~ Cameron
128. “It’s like all roads lead to Rome. All roads lead to Mike’s mouth.” ~ Cassidy
129. “I started out the day straight but now I’m at least heteroflexible. Not quite sure how that happened, but now I’ve made out with more guys than girls.” ~ Cassidy
130. “The question should be, why are there ONLY two people reaching into your crotch area?” ~ Cassidy
131. “Remember, remember, the 5th of November, the crotchtag treason and plot.” ~ Cassidy
132. “You were crushed by a two-ton John the Baptist.” ~ Jim
133. “We spooned. It was fun.” ~ Liz
134. “I’m not crazy.” ~ Otter
135. “Even though the tofu have the texture of the inside of a limp penis, it is delicious.” ~ Cassidy
136. Cassidy: “Ouch! I can’t deep throat…ow my tonsils…I broke it.” (referring to a banana)
Dennis: “I have a version you CAN’T break if you want…”
Cassidy: “Oh, don’t be so sure.”
137. “I’m not going to lick Stuart's face, no you can’t make me.” ~ Sam
138. Giby: “You could just ask for the hat back…”
Rebecca: “No, that’s mean; I’ll just steal it back.”
139. “Saying that My Immortal is a ‘bad’ Harry Potter fanfic is like saying that the Holocaust was a ‘bad’ year.” ~ Liz? Cassidy?
140. Giby: “It’d be worse if he asked what sex was.”
Nimish: “What’s sex?”
Giby: “Let me show you.”
141. “I slowdanced for the first time at CTY with the cute one [I keep] in my basement.” ~ Nimish
142.”Q.E.D., bitch!” ~ Soham and Jay
143. “In problems 6 - 9, you will be asked a question. Answer it.” ~ Telephone operator entrance exam
144. “Somebody call DRL / A couple’s making out on the dance floor, woah! / Something dirty’s just might start if you don’t break them apart / On the dance floor, woah! / Make room for Jesus, room for Jesus on the dance floor... (x4)” -Eliz Leimkuhler/Dan Tracht/Sam Fomon
145. “Dark curls, with our heads underneath/We got a bounce in our hair, and you know that it’s sweet/and they touch it (touch it) but they ain’t got no need/there’s another over there that looks just like me/C-c-c-curls always boun…ce when we walk/so the girls don’t see our eyes whenever we talk/and tell your boyfriend (boyfriend), if he says that we’re wrong/all the ladies only like it curly and long!

She wants to touch it woah-oh/She wants to love it woah-oh/She’ll never leave it woah-oh, woah-oh-oh-oh/Don’t trust a fro/Never trust a fro/Won’t trust a fro/Don’t trust me. [repeat]

“Fingers” always run through our locks/and the girls- they- come running in flocks/and the shampoo (shampoo) you stole from our room/smells like a flower, in mid-April bloom/B-b-b-babes always under our arms/Fah-low us like we got a treat in our palms/and the best is (best is) you all know who we are/two kids with big hair and “skin that is dark”

"Shush, girl/shut your trap/You know you want the fro/'cause straight hair is crap/I said...(repeat)"

~ Vinny and Race

146. “Okay, I’m going over there. If you’ve never kissed me, and you thought I was cute at all, you should come over there. If you’ve kissed me once and want to kiss me again, you should come over here. … Come on people, FLOCK!” ~ Mike
147. Liz: “Today’s actually my 16th birthday…”
Dan: “AGE OF CONSENT!”
148. “I love CTY, I love the Passionfruit, and this stuff tastes like ass.” ~ Cassidy
149. “You are shedding PINS!” ~ Dan
150. Rips: “Hey, do you know a Yuri? Does anyone know a Yuri?”
Theo: “Um, Rips, I wouldn’t be shouting that so loudly if I were you…”
Rips: “What? Why?”
Theo: “Yuri is lesbian anime porn.”
Rips: “…YURI! YURI! YURI!”

LAN 10.1 Quotebook

1. DRL: "Loud was good, short was...probably lacking there."
"Bzzt."
2. "On a scale from one to fly, you're 'fwoosh.'" - Eloise
3. "I would only eat you figuratively!" - Marnie
4. "What do you do to your gerbils?" - TA Sarah
5. Robin: "Nothing that promotes pornography, racism, prejudice..."
Jeremy: "So no 4chan?"
6. "We use 'I love you' instead of things like 'thank you for lending me your pen,' or 'I feel an intense sexual attraction to you.'" - Abbey
7. "Wanna buy a duck?"
"Does it quack?"
"No."
8. "Please, that chain, sir! I need it for shoelaces!"
9. [Someone is flailing about on the ground.] "And that's why you don't swing your lanyard!" - Joey
10. "Dude, check it, I can hear the ocean."
11. "So if I rub your hair fast enough, you'll go Super Saiyan!" - Russian Sam
12. "Ghana beat us in the World Cup? Bomb it!" - Wesley
13. "The economy doesn't work? Bomb it!" - Wesley
14. "If you make out with a clone of yourself, is it incest or masturbation?"
15. "If 4chan is the asshole, then deviantART is the sweaty armpits of the internet."
16. "Falcon Punch accidentally the entire world."
17. "I have an eraser that smells like Coca-Cola. Wanna sniff some Coke?" - Abbey
18. "Yeah, well, you...you...you have a face!" - Erik
19. Bitchface: "I do drama."
Marnie: "I am drama."
Bitchface: "I see what you did there."
20. "Twilight is real life with abusive undercurrents and sparkling vampires." - Abbey
21. "What about Barbie's multiracial doll friends?" - Signs of Life in the USA
22. "tl;dr I'm a dick."
23. "Oh my gosh, you're carrying a spoon. And so it begins." - Instructor Robin
24. "Buy this product, and this product will have sex with you. - Abbey
25. Various GLOWers: "I'm here because of Erik."
Shae: "Erik, I don't even want to know your persuasive methods."
26. "'James' is not short for 'Jame-uel!" - Turtle
27. "Magical magicness? Magical testicles?" - Eloise
28. "I need somebody to help me transfer money."
"I'm from Nigeria; I can help you with that."
29. "My dog thinks you're sitting on a fire hydrant."
"My dog thinks you are a fire hydrant."
"My dog thinks you're another dog."
30. "What did you do with the flag?!" - Bitchface(Press Conference: ate the moon)
31. "DICE! DICE! DICE!" - Half-Life: slay dragon
32. "Did you abuse a rabbit?"
"It needed time to die!"
33. "I swear, it's like all of my employees have selected amnesia...they have to make up their excuses when they get to work." - Turtle
34. "We're gonna build you a bear. We're gonna build you a spirit bear!" - Turtle
35. "Oh great and mighty Sphinx, I'm 12 years old and what is this?"
36. "Oh great and mighty Sphinx, what is the meaning of 'supercalafragalisticsexpialadocious?'"
37. "They're out to get children on the quad! You must run quickly! But not actually run, just...walk really fast..."
38. "Pubic hairs are bad enough without duct tape." - Chris
39. "My name is Pierre. I'm from France and I'm here to have sex with your family." - Abbey
40. "Yo, duct tape is hard to rape! ...I mean, rip..." - Chris
41. "I'm going to get pregnant and -- " - Erik
This is quote 42.
43. "I'm gonna be a nun." - Erik
44. "Turtle! The orgy depends on you!"
45. "I'm gonna tell you a story, then partyboy Phil." - TA Sarah
46. TA Sarah: "Give me some outlaw heroes."
Phil: "David Bowie?"
47. TA Sarah: "What are some characteristics of a hero?"
Eloise: "Being heroic?"
48. "Snakes! Snakes killed Dumbledore! Snakes!"
49. "What does erotic look like?"
"Your face."
50. "All puns intended in this class. Always." - Sean Lake
51. "Thank you, computer, you're such a good slave." - Sean Lake
52. "ματερ is the one who mates; πατερ is the one who pates."
53. "Retrograde ass" - ETYM chalkboard
54. Erik: "Let's name Alex's penis!"
Bitchface: "Well, my balls are already named Vladmir and -- "
Erik: "PUTIN!"
55. Eloise: "Will you marry me?"
Erik: "I'm gay."
56. "So let's have a bunch of really smart kids at a college during the summer..." - World's Worst Reality Show
57. "Guys. How about we put two groups of people who can't stand each other in the same place? We'll call it...the Middle East!" - World's Worst Reality Show
58. "I'm sorry. I was carrying a baby. It was our baby." - Erik (Late to Work)
59. "I was giving birth!" - Erik(Late to Work)
60. "I was on Faye." - Erik (Late to Work)
61. "I was in your eyes?" - Erik (Late to Work)
62. "Oh shit! We have to get to Viridian City! But his power level is too strong!" - Sam Bauman
63. Faye: "All hail the Island Coconut Tree!"
Alcovians: "It died for our sins!"
64. "*vuvuzela*" - Josh
65. "Joe Lodin says to be safe tonight."
"Let's do somersaults!"
66. "They were at Jew church; they're wearing Jew caps." - Bitchface
67. "No running. Only cowering."
68. "Ha ha, you think you're ugly."
69. "Your eyes look like a dying universe." - Marnie, to Bitchface
70. "Whoa! Shoe people make glasses?" - Silver, concerning Bitchface's Converse brand glasses
71. "All your penises look like vaginas, so I vote for Georgia O'Keefe."
72. "How could it not win? The card is 'manly' and it's balls!"
73. "What comes under your penis?"
74. "I'm obsessed with biracial skin."
75. "You don't look like a whore. Do you want to look like a whore?" - Erik, to Faye
76. "Pedofire." - Silver, Jared, Lily
77. ???: "We also married a Mudkip."
Jared: "You put my name on what?"
78. Marnie, writing "property of Marnie" on Silver: "I now own your vagina."
Silver: "Hooray?..."
79. "You're disrupting my head."
"Bzzt."
80. "Let's troll the nurse with tattoos!" - Russian Sam
81. "We need to do really sexual creeping." - Faye
82. "It's just a jump to the jump to the jump to the jump to the jump -- " - Russian Sam
83. "We need to get the positions right, and we need to get you better." - Faye
84. "Three steps to happiness: deny, deny, deny." - Russian Sam?
85. "Chips, dip, chains and whip."
86. "MORE DATA THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR." - Sam Bauman, Russian Sam, possibly Jonah
87. "These are the right tentacles, no pun intended." - Sam Bauman
88. "Crazy math sex" - Sam Bauman
89. "Radium on genitals: not a good idea." - Sam Bauman
90. "When life gives you lemons, you WRITE THEM DOWN." - Sam Bauman
91. "When life gives you lemons, you act them out. No. You act them out AGAIN." - Russian Sam
92. "This is not my penis. How do I stop it from forming." - Turtle
93. "Your ass is, like, hard to hit." - Russian Sam
94. "My grandfather would approve." - Turtle, concerning Rocky Horror
95. "Turtle is a rape magnet." - Bitchface
96. "Best prank ever: go into someone's house when they're away and label everything. Like, if there's a brick wall, label it 'brick', 'brick', 'brick', 'brick', 'brick'..." - Sam Bauman
97. "When lemons give you life you FIND NEW LEMONS."
98. "Why would a banana have an orgasm?"
99. "Hitler would kill you. But he would say you're cute first." - Bitchface
100. "They used to be cat ears. Now they're Down's Syndrome." - Marnie
101. "I just called you a bitch. Is there anything wrong with that?"
102. "Special, or special. Pick one." - Silver
103. TA Sarah: "Okay, we are not stripping. This is not The Critical Essay: Strip Culture."
"But we are stripping! Culture...down..."
104. "Morgan's distracting me; her finger's in her...fly...?" - Phil
105. "Morgan, I keep looking at your toes. They look like they're rotting off." - Phil
106. "My boobs hurt from frolicking." - Marnie
107. "MORE ROOMS THAN YOUR BODY HAS LIGHTS FOR." - Sam Bauman
108. "The trees look like green truffles." - Yerin
109. "Is Kim short for, like, Kimothy?"
110. "Guys, I think my uterus is broken."
111. "I don't care about your feelings." - Instructor Robin
112. "Okay, gender codes. Guns! Versus...babies?" - Instructor Robin
113. "Fuck my life up the ass sideways with a sparkly Twilight dildo that's on fucking fire."
114. "Penis! Big fucking erect penis -- "
115. "Deel-do." - Lily
116. "Would you like a knife massage? It's kind of like acupuncture." - Russian Sam
117. "I'm playing Wah! alone."
118. "I'm combing grass. With a spoon."
119. "We'll get out of this together -- using the power of friendship!" - Russian Sam
120. "What can't she do?"
"Have a coherent conversation?" (Party Quirks: can't turn left)
121. "I'm sorry I'm late; I had a heart attack." - Eloise
122. "I fell in love with Quazimodo." - Eloise
123. "What are you doing?"
"What beautiful trees!"
124. "Rose -- the water and -- glug."
125. "OPENING CEREMONIES YEAAAAH" - Wesley (Half-life: Olympics)
126. "I'm gonna die of AAAAAAAAAAAA - Wesley
127. "Hi. You know what screw this BOMB IT ALL" - Wesley
128. "The greatest mirror house of all time: it doesn't have any mirrors."
129. "I have an idea! Let's call the house of mirrors 'existentialism'!" - Sam Bauman
130. "I prefer ninjas to pirates." - Wesley (World's Worst: parrot)
131. "Oh great and mighty Sphinx, what makes strawberry kiwi lemonade so good?"
"Magical."
"Poison."
132. "Forrest Gump? More like Forrest Hump." - Phil
133. "It's the come-on, it's the flirt, it's the chase, it's the game!" - Instructor Robin
134. "Did somebody just say 'stop humping the tree?'"
"Yes."
[awkward makeout]
135. Marnie: "What if all CTYers went to the same school?"
Bitchface: "THE MEMES!"
Marnie: "THE SEX!
136. "Nothing sexual. I kind of phrased that badly. Although I did just kinda see my roommate's penis." - Anonymous
137. "You have a six-pack? GET OUT. SHOW." - Instructor Robin, to Nathan and Joseph?
138. "They're objectifying cancer!" - Eloise
139. "Feel prostate strong." - Outdoor Life ("What's a prostate?")
140. "Look at this sexy Asian face! Those are, like, 'teabag me' eyes!" - Erik, concerning Marnie
141. "I like orgasms!" - Russian Sam as Mr. Dictator
142. "The most holy and orgasmic bitch." - Russian Sam as Mr. Dictator
143. "The fundamental property of bitches." - Russian Sam as Mr. Dictator
144. "THAT'S A PEINOUS HONOUN!" - Joey
145. "You're a bag of cocks."
146. "Bag of Holding Cocks +5."
147. "The world is now round -- "
"LIKE A COCKRING."
148. "You're rubbing your eyebrows...sensually?"
149. "The vagina is a lie perpetuated by Elton John and Hitler."
150. "Do your genitals hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?" - Bitchface
151. "Mr. Dictator, permission to rename player to 'Goldilocks."
"Goldidicks."
152. "Goldicocks."
153. "If we assume Elton John, Hitler, and Freud, then we can assume everything. The Cockring Theorem." - Russian Sam
154. "A bucket list of dicks."
155. "CTbi."
156. Lily: "Well, it'd be kinda awkward with a big wooden thing in front of you..."
"Bzzt."
157. "All I want is sex. All these guys want is to talk and cuddle." - Marnie
158. "So I had a notebook, and then my friend took it and he drew a ballsack -- "
159. "She secretly wants to murder me, which really hurts my feelings." - Ryan
160. "Joseph! Come here and look up gun porn for us." - Instructor Robin
161. "Three seconds and you're pregnant -- immaculate conception! There are now multiple Jesuses...Jesi?" - Abbey
162. Bitchface: "I had a Seangasm."
Marnie: "So for all of 09.2 everybody had a 3-week long orgasm?"
163. "Complete global masturbation."
164. "Complete global menstruation."
165. "Complete global castration."
166. "Go, Riley! Crutch like the wind!" - Eloise
167. "PeenpeenpeenpeenpeenpeenpeenpeenpeenPENIS!" - Erik
168. [There is cake.] "What is this for?"
Staff: "IT'S FOR DESSERT."
169. "Misery is in the air. People dying everywhere. Happy birthday. Happy birthday."
170. "SUGARTIT!"
171. "I am civil to your mother." - car commercial
172. [To the tune of "Paparazzi" by Lady GaGa] "Papa, papa, papa-blowjob." - Erik
173. "PDDA: Public Displays of Domestic Abuse."
174. "I don't like this. They got all the RAs from Craigslist." - Erik
175. "Bitch. You're my gay father."
Erik: "I'm only gay and your father if you want me to be..."
176. "I only anally raped you because I love you." - Erik
177. "You're my mother and my sister."
"We're in Greece?"
178. "Get off me! I never loved you! I loved the idea of you!" - Erik
179. "Sweetie, it's just anal rape." - Erik
180. "It's like a piece of chocolate melting in my mouth. But up my -- "
181. "Your mother is such an ovum." - Erik
182. "Park bench! Get off the person!" - Sam Bauman
183. "Okay, give us some quirks."
"Slowly returning to the womb!"
184. "The whale spit out seamen." - Logic
185. "What is long and full of seamen?"
"A submarine."
186. "12 + 69 = 0."
Sam Bauman: "MOD WHAT?"
187. World's Worst Firefighter: "Somebody call 911!"
188. "Hm...needs more peanut products." - Sam Bauman (World's Worst: chef)
189. "Attila the Pun."
189. "You should be punished for your penal offense."
190. "I swear, officer, I thought it was milk!" - World's Worst: chef/lobotomy
191. "I'm going to be a flamboyant druid."
192. "At the end of your ballpoint pen is actually a nuclear warhead."
193. "Mr. Dictator! I'm losing control of my muscles!"
194. "Gentlemen! Everything is going according to my vagina!"
195. "Look, a crotch shot." - Instructor Robin
196. "It might imply a threesome." - Instructor Robin
197. "The attractive, eager waitress is mystically drawn to the man who relieved her bored frustrations with an orgasmic chug-a-lug." - Signs of Life in the USA (Pop Cult textbook)
198. "We're not being inappropriate; we're objectifying women." - Phil
199. "You know what would be the best slogan for a nerd porn company and/or sex toy shop? 'All your orgasms are belong to us.'" - Bitchface
200. "'Condom' is a verb now?"
201. "...supported by the driving, phallic backbeat in the sound track..." - Signs of Life in the USA
202. "Stop shooting me with your giant banana."
203. "Everybody, look at my dick-tion!" - Ryan
204. "I orgasmed ironically. I sargasmed. I...I am such a hipster." - Bitchface
205. "If you wave your arms around, all you end up doing is rubbing dicks."
206. "Jizz is frothy? That's like your penis has rabies." - Bitchface
207. "Your face is so cute when I say 'bag of cocks'!" - Marnie, to Lily
208. "I don't need hips. Or testicles." - Bitchface
209. "A wild HERPES appears! Run! Can't escape! Run! Can't escape! Run! Can't escape! [ad explodium]" - Bitchface
210. "I just took off my foreskin."
211. "You're a studious emo hooker."
Bitchface: "I'm in college."
212. "I'm having my period!" - Some guy
213. "Do you want your tits back?"
214. "Hallelujah, it's raining drag queens." - Erik
215. "Dumblewhore."
216. "We need to look creepy and sexy." - Faye
217. "Guys. It's not that hard to make tits." - Erik
218. "Your penis is like the Loch Ness Monster in that it doesn't exist."
219. "FIFA: Futbol Is For Assholes."
220. "I'm more modest than all of you!"
221. "Santa's list is in binary."
223. Kristen: "Things in Las Vegas that start with 's'?"
Kristen's entire hall: "Strippers."
224. Faye: [name list for Silent Football] "Misty."
Joey: "Ash Ketchum."
Turtle: "Professor Bitch."
225. "I'm in your hand, trolling your body. ...ew." - Bitchface
226. "Suck the karma!"
227. "Cervically Talented Youth."
228. "Laps Cock is cruise control for cool." - Bitchface
229. "I organismed." - Jonah
230. "I got an orgasm in the mail."
231. "Holy dick!"
232. "ORBIT MOAR." - Sam Bauman and Marnie
233. "Play-Doh is now a sexual act."
234. "Let's all look into each other's eyes as we tummy party."
235. "Eriktion."
236. "I'm feeling thrustings on the other side! This is not okay! This is not okay!"
237. "If this spider tries to rape me I'll punch it in the face."
238. "He has France on his foot."
239. "You guys are a dick."
"You are one collective penis."
240. "MORE SEX THAN YOUR QUOTEBOOK HAS ROOM FOR." - Sam Bauman
241. "MORE QUOTES THAN YOUR SEXBOOK HAS ROOM FOR." - Marnie
242. "Don't let my what the fucks interrupt you."
243. "I definitely just heard 'I'm really good at sex.'" - Shae
244. "If you don't give me Post-It notes, I will encrypt your soul."
245. "I laughed statistically."
246. Joey: "Are we mobility impaired?"
Sam Bauman: "Or are we dancer?"
247. "What the fuck are you dong?"
248. "My heart is beating in 6/8 time." - Rudy
249. "What happens in this room stays on Facebook for years." - Turtle, requoted by Sam Bauman
250. "THE SHAPES!" - Josh, concerning spitwebs
251. "How does a guy give birth?"
"Through his penis."
252. Marnie: "They had to stick a Q-tip up my urethra -- "
Joey: "WHAT OKAY UM BAI"
253. "Screw you. With a dildo. Made of vampires."
254. "I am going to fly off in normal pterodactyl fashion." - Midori
255. "I will castrate you, young sir."
256. "Be true to your penis: jack off regularly." - Bitchface
257. "I will take over the world and then pimp it to my heart's content!" - Abbey
258. "Something is vibrating on my crotch."
"I was humming!"
259. "You can look like a gorilla or a dragon or a giant talking penis in the Metaverse." - Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash
260. "We need pictures of you and your friends doing CTY-appropriate things." - Hall meeting agenda
261. "We are going to impregnate this mayonnaise." - Bitchface
262. "I use male pronouns and I kill beetles." - Jeff
263. "I'm Seth, and I'm really confused..." - Seth
264. "I don't like pronouns. You can all refer to me as 'The Midori.'" - Midori
265. "Laps cock is bruise control for cruel." - Sam Bauman
266. "DEATH TO AMERICA" - Wesley/Josh
267. Ryan: "We're gonna go hook up in the hallway, okay?"
TA Sarah: "As long as you're quiet."
268. "My pants are way-ut." - Instructor Robin
269. "I think you do drugs for a living." - Ryan
270. "You've taken on the role of prankster and genital maimer." - Ryan
271. "Herpaderpes." - Eloise
272. "Holy fuck shit cocking damn."
273. "That's a boy wearing a skirt! With trucks on it!" - Shae
274. "I like my internets like I like my women: covered in /b/." - Turtle
275. "I like my internets like I like my /b/s: not on my report card." - Sam Bauman
276. "Oral sex is pretty bad. You should take lessons." - Turtle
277. "I'm a pterodactyl, short and stout..." - Midori
278. "Can I make out with my blood!cum?" - Turtle
279. "[name]! There are centipedes in your vagina!" - Joey
280. "Centipedes that release centipedes when they roar!"
281. "Centipedes in your eyesockets!"
282. "Centipedes in my centipedes in my centipedes in my centipedes in my centipedes in my -- [ad explodium]"
283. "I cultivate silkworms in my vagina. For profit." - Deb
284. "Guys! Guys, I have a gag reflex!"
"I don't."
285. "People are peppers!" - Anna
286. "Vaginas? In my centipedes?" - Jonah
287. "A dildo up your urethra." - Jonah
288. "You are now thinking metacognitively." - Jonah
289. "Douche-swagger away." - Jonah
290. "HAL! HAL! HAL! GET BACK HERE! [ad infinitum]" - Bitchface
291. "Millipenii?" - Jonah
292. "Make room for Buddha!" - World's Worst RA
293. "Does your mother wait in line to get pregnant?" - Turtle
294. "Loathing / Unadulterated loathing / For RAs / For rules / For clothing!" - CTY: The Musical
295. "You diagnosed me with 'neutrality'? That's a very serious disease among politicians. It's fatal. That's how Ted Kennedy died." - Bitchface
296. "Vageorge!"
297. "She runs like a Virginian!" - Morgan
298. "This baby looks like a potato; shove it back where it came from." - Abbey
299. "Come here, you studly hunk." - Abbey
300. "It's like getting head from a pirahna."
301. "Fuck my life up the nostril."
303. Marnie: "Skank."
Bitchface: "Bitch."
Marnie: "Skankobitch."
304. Josh: "She has herpaderpes!"
Turtle: "How did she get it?"
Marnie: "I masturbated to /b/."
305. "Get back in the kitchen! And be pregnant this time!" - Abbey
306. "Motivational tampons"
307. "I love CTY, I love mono, and I love the Passionfruit."
308. "I sebble-dessioned last year." - Sam
309. "SchnAIDS?" - Bitchface
310. "Give Jonah Holy Ball." - Russian Sam
311. "And then everything will explode~!" - Sam Bauman
312. "BOMB IT ALL!" - Wesley
313. "I love CTY more than the TOPI boys love the peen."
314. Connie: "This is for Latin."
Bitchface: "This is for Greek."
Marnie: "This is for the resurrected cock."
315. "Thank you for donating your children [...] extract as much energy and enjoyment from them [...] their hands always going up asking for more!"
316. "Samuel! Write me a novel explaining how my dropping the groceries is a metaphor for the fall of the Soviet Union!" - Rudy
317. "You know what needs to happen? Glow-in-the-dark semen." - Wesley

Courtesy of Kaitlin Pang:
318. "[sexy voice] I'm worried about you..." - Marnie
319. “I DON’T MUMBLE fakjfajfkkad” – Nathan
320. “At least we have sex appeal!” - Abbey
321. “You know, someone had to molest a cow for that ice cream.” - Abbey
322. “How was the crack this morning?” - Ryan, to Sarah
323. “It’s in Spanish so the poor people can read it.” – Joseph
324. “No bears in the watering hole.” – Phil
325. "I'm not a sketch." - Phil

Courtesy of Kim Soffen:
326. "She's my age!" - Phil

327. "Mr. Dictator has never stolen an orgasm; he has only given copious amounts of orgasms. Mr. Dictator is, in this one case, an altruist." - Russian Sam
328. "May one simply put their cock into Mordor?" - Turtle
329. "Are we cockring or are we dancer?" - Joey
330. "Harry Potter and the Bag of Dicks." - Joey
331. Russian Sam as Mr. Dictator: "Universe, Universe! I think that if we assume Elton John, and if we assume Freud, don't we get -- no, aren't we able to prove everything?"
Sam: "Only if we can assume Hitler so we can prove things like contradiction."
332. "We the People of the Nation of Cockrings, accept that every man has the right to a cockring." - Russian Sam as Mr. Dictator
333. [After a long philosophical rant] "...wanna make out?" - Bitchface

LAN 11.2 Quotebook

1. Rebecca: "How do you like the US?"
Takwa: "Thank you!" 2. "[CTY Honor Code sung to the tune of the Pokemon theme song]" - RA Tara
3. "If you could talk to any person, dead or alive, who would it be?"
"Beethoven, because he's deaf, so how would he do all this?"
"...how would you talk?"
4. "[referring to a personal unicorn] Would it fart rainbows?"
"It would fart Skittles."
5. "His facial complexion / Could pass a beauty inspection." 6. "The opposhit -- I mean -- opposite -- " - RA Tara
7. "Do you want anything from Wal-Mart...from my ex-boyfriend?..." - Tess
8. "It's Indiana Jeff!" - Dr. Strangezev and Mad Doctor Mike
9. "Now put down your phones and pick up the pieces of your lives." - Sassy Gay RA
10. "You're going to write a sad poem in your journal and move on." - Sassy Gay RA
11. "Well, most humans don't say hello with their tongues. Except that they do. Sorta." - Shae [PDA rules skit]
12. "I'll bring the glucose; you'll bring the oxygen." - Joe (Cog Psych B teacher)
13. "You would not believe the kinds of things you can get away with in high school if you think two steps ahead." - Joe
14. "And not just because I'm grumpy -- I will make absolutely no sense and go, 'mmm, that's not coffee.'" - Joe
15. "...controlled fun. So nobody dies. Not that I'm planning to kill you or anything." - Joe
16. "My mnemonic is 'J', for 'Joe'. O, for 'oh my god, it's Joe.' 'E', for 'excellent, there's Joe.'" - Joe
17. "Shame on you for being self-deprecating!" - Joe
18. "Photography like an art form or as some kinda weird, stalkery thing?" - Joe
19. "You play bass?"
"Yeah, upright."
"Oh."
20. "Joe no function coffee when without." - Joe
21. "I wasted the first twenty-nine years of my life not eating grape Jolly Ranchers." - Joe
22. "I would go to jail if I didn't have coffee. I'm kidding. They'd never catch me." - Joe
23. "If CTYI had, like, an umbrella definition, that [Cyanide and Happiness] would be it." - Joe
24. "I recommend history majors as friends." - Joe
25. "Your face is really hot."
26. "What would you do with one billion dollars?"
Trevor: "Emma Watson."
27. "You gain one billion dollars. What do you do?"
Alex: "I would have one billion dollars."
28. "You can be invisible for one day. What do you do?"
Alex: "Find people sitting alone and whisper things into their ears."
29. "I can see your underwear, Jackie...it's okay. I don't mind." - Marnie
30. "I always was an RA. I just didn't know until I was hired." - Zev
31. Zev: "This activity is just about enjoying a nice summer afternoon with eighteen other people and two RAs -- "
Graeme: "RAs aren't human?"
33. "Let's go around the circle and say our names and the brand of facial cleanser we use." - Graeme [And we did!]
34. Zev: "That's a long and hard question."
Marshall: "[seemingly to self] Long and hard."
Graeme: "What are you implying?"
35. "We'll call it WOLG. Nobody will know." - Graeme
36. "We'll call it 'Not GLOW'."
37. "GLOW Crystal. GLOW Lite."
38. Zev: "Behind Ware."
Marshall: "Ware? Behind where?"
Zev: "I don't know. Third base."
39. "It's like safe inside prison because you have no rights."
40. Graeme: "I'm gonna stretch tonight [to be able to put on sunglasses with his feet]."
Aaron(?): "I'll have Erik stretch you out tonight."
41. "Now that he's [Brian] a biddy, and all you are biddies, go find a biddy to mack on!" - Erik
42. THIS IS QUOTE 42
43. "I like you now. I didn't like you before." - Trevor
44. TA Becca: "Don't think that being left handed means you're a genius -- "
Dan: "But it implies it!"
45. "[reading "left brain/right brain" Mercedez-Benz ad]" - COGN.B
46. "Your hat is so cute! You should put it over your face." - Jess
47. "Everything rhymes with my name. Like...Tess-pie." - Tess
48. "[to Alex] I feel like you would walk around shirtless with a bucket on your chest." - Tess
49. "But I don't wanna be cute! I wanna be old!" - Jess
50. "Refresh your quench?" - Jess
51. "'Why are you putting hate tape on yourself?' And I was like, 'because it's fun!'" - Jess
52. "We learned about how math is life and we have to learn to dance between the raindrops and find our inner sunshine. That was my math class." - Tara
53. "But you can't use urinals if you're a girl..."
"Yes, you can!"
"Hall bonding!"
"But there's only two..."
"Teamwork."
54. "That one time I made out with Erik..."
"Is there evidence?"
"There's a dishrag in my trashcan."
55. "Take the class. You won't regret it unless you totally fail." - Joe
56. Trevor: "That looks like a goose."
Joe: "You look like a goose. Trevah."
57. "If you walk around the quad naked, your punishment is to walk around the quad naked two more times." - Ted
58. "I'm convinced you [Jess] go to Hogwarts because you go to boarding school in England." - Joe ("What's Snape like in real life?")
59. Jess: "Whenever you do something good, you get a tie."
Joe: "So what do you get when you beat Voldemort?"
60. "I am pale as the sun!" - Erik
61. "I can see Russia from my house." - Ted/Tess/Marnie's texture gradient story about a potential sniper
62. "This song really speaks to me. Not that I'm gonna go out and shoot my lady..." - Joe
63. "THEO's so hard!" - Jackie
64. "[to Marnie] Wait, are you seriously Theo's brother?!" - Cebulko
65. "You're cute like a baby apple kinda thing." - Cebulko
66. "I'm pansexual, and Stonewall." - Ryan
67. "You don't know if they'll attack you with their gayness..."
68. "If the academic dean came in and saw that [in-class tummy party] my ass would be grass....oh." - Joe
69. "Would you like to go on a romantic date to the vending machine with me tonight?"
70. "Take care of yourselves, stay hydrated, eat a vegetable." - Tara
71. "And I was like, 'you're going to lick my -- you're already doing it?" - Tess
72. "That's actually a really pretty crotch shot." - Tess
73. "It's really creepy [the Margaret Thatcher effect]. Let me find it for you guys." - Joe
74. "*ehk*" - Joe
75. "Never take a polygraph test. Ever. Unless it's for fun." - Joe
76. "Anytime they ask you a question, constrict your anal sphincter." - Joe
→ no seriously it throws everything off
→ "Get your minds out of the gutter!"
→ "But what if someone didn't know what to do and they really had to pee?" - Jess
77. "[after giant tangent on polygraph tests] Uh, so back to avoiding distraction..." - Joe
78. Trevor: "If you could be any colour that wasn't a normal human colour, what would you be?"
Angel: "I would be rainbow so I could stab your eye."
79. "Do you speak sign language?" - Trevor
80. "I have something of critical importance to show you. *shows Kitty Cat Dance*" - Joe
81. "My phone number is 9 as in 904, 0 as in 0, 8 as in 83, 6 as in 68, 7 as in 71, 5 as in 542, 00 as in double-oh-seven, 7 as in Avenged Sevenfold, and 8 as in potato." - Cebulko
82. Tess: "Don't make fun of people for their face!"
Cebulko: "Unless they're really ugly."
83. "This is the definitive definition of a hipster. I used 'definition' twice because it's ironic." - RA Theo in How to Be a Hipster
84. "Those bros over there? They have no soul." - RA Theo
85. "When someone asks you what you're doing, you can just say 'I'm searching'. And walk away." - RA Theo
86. "Sunglasses are cool because they show you don't care about the real world, and you are dead to the sun." - RA Theo
87. "So one day he kills someone. Why? He doesn't care. That's so hipster." - RA Theo
88. "We're going to listen to someone reading On the Road with jazz piano playing in the background. Just nod your head every five seconds like you understand what it means. And snap at the end because clapping is mainstream." - RA Theo
89. "Personally, I use a Toshiba, because nobody uses a Toshiba." - RA Theo
90. "Hipsters are quintessentially dirty, so I would appreciate it if you all took a clump of dirt of grass from the ground and sprinkled it all over your body." - RA Theo
91. "So we're going to listen to some Buddy Holly, and if you don't like it, then you're a bad person." - RA Theo
92. "The only problem I have with this song is that it's about love. Hipsters don't love. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you should probably leave." - RA Theo
→ "But polyamory isn't mainstream!" - Marnie
→ "Marnie, you can leave multiple times." - Tess
93. "I love this song -- "
RA Theo: "NO! You can't love this song! Hipsters don't love."
94. "If someone mentions something awesome, you have done something even more awesome and you have done it first." - RA Theo
95. "Are The Strokes hipster?"
RA Theo: "No. They sold out too soon."
"But they're English!!"
96. "What about The Velvet Underground?"
RA Theo: "Absolutely hipster. If they were at all CTY appropriate they'd be playing here."
97. RA Theo: "Just make up band names and ask people if they've heard of them. The great thing about this is that if you're talking to another hipster, they'll probably say they've heard of them too. So you can have an entire fake conversation."
"A subtle parody of conversations about bands that actually exist."
98. "You are so good at sarcasm!" - RA Theo
99. "You can only raise your hand like *stands in terribly awkward and uncomfortable-looking position with one hand far behind and above his back and the other at some other odd angle* I'm a hipster!" - RA Theo
100. "There is also a two-finger rule. If you can stick two fingers into your waistband, your pants are too loose."
101. "You guys have been asking me real questions, but actually you should just go *raises hand* *looks existentially into nowhere in particular* Why? '" - RA Theo
102. "You could theoretically put [a fingerstache] on the inside and fliiiip..." - RA Theo
103. "To protect yourself again bros, you walk backwards, 'cause that's weird." - RA Theo
104. "You should be lax. Not play lax." - RA Theo
105. "I believe we have some bros approaching. Look at them. They're disgusting." - RA Theo
106. "We're gonna walk over there and apathetically sit in the middle of their football game." - RA Theo
107. A bro to RA Theo: "NBD. That's what I say."
RA Theo to people in How to be Hipster: "Don't use acronyms."
108. "See how we're being apathetic and correct? Those bros are being apathetic and not correct." - RA Theo
109. "Let's celebrate by showing absolutely no expression."
110. "You know how Jesus' job is to hugg everyone and he's so cute and you just wanna hugg him all the time even if you don't know him? As Satan, my job is to rape you from behind. ...I mean hugg you from behind!" - Erik
111. "I'm Head Monk, and my object is this cup of water which has [Graeme drinks the water] OH GOD OH GOD" - Alex
112. "We should all shave our legs together for hall bonding."
113. "'So I noticed your saccades.' / 'Oh, I didn't know my fly was open.'" - Joe
114. "I am all about externals." - Joe
115. "Jess sure drank her Hatorade today." - Joe
116. "DO IT FOR STU!"
→ Also, "This makes me uncomfortable, Stu..."
117. "'Good for you, you're gay!' is like 'good for you, you're black.'" - Ryan
118. "You're too fat! [New choice!] You're too skinny! [New choice!] YOU'RE TOO STRAIGHT!" - Erik
119. "Out, out. [New choice!] In, in."
120. "Whaaaaaaaat is a traaaans-homo?" - Erik
121. "They're listening to indie music. Ironically." - Erik
122. Noah: "Where is my family?"
Elliot: "I'm a whale." (Half-Life: Moby Dick)
123. "MY SKINNY JEANS FAMILY!" - Noah
124. "Was more than fifty percent of it covered?"
"Did you prefer the rough texture?"
"How did it feel?"
"Do you just not like the white ones?" - Press Conference: won Blammo with a KIVO spoon
125. "A baby? A panic baby! Two of my favourite things!" - Graeme
126. "Honey? ...Ex-honey?" - Erik
127. "Sphinx! ...Monks!"
Graeme: "They both end in 'x'."
128. "O Great and Mighty Monks, do you know the muffin man?"
"Maybe. I. Actually. Muffin. Maybe."
129. Theo: "Monks, why are you dressed so appropriately for this high religious position?"
"Because. We. Are. Sluts. Period."
130. "No spanking or taking clothes off, CTYers!" - Jeff Sachs
131. "Enjoy your texting." - Tess
132. "Please don't go up to your religious friends and scream 'You have schizophrenia.' CTY and Johns Hopkins and I do not endorse this behaviour." - Joe
133. "I'm a werehuman. When it's a full moon I turn half human, half human." - Joe
134. Jonah: "Marnie, your target is wearing a red and white striped shirt."
Elliot: "Oh god, her target's Waldo? You're fucked."
135. "We will welcome them with open fire." - Ted
136. "She probably ate some radioactive salsa." - Angel
137. "What's happening? I keep getting hit by random objects in different places..."
138. "Look how good this smells!" - Erik
139. "It's flaccid! YES!"
140. "[singsongy] Not gonna go to the bathroom barefoot 'cause college kids poop on the floor~" - Graeme
141. "Let's play toolbox. We'll both get hammered and I'll screw you." - Cebulko
142. "[to Alcoveful of really loud Alcovians] I will never teach you the secrets to giving perfect blowjobs if you don't shut up! [room goes silent]" - Erik
143. "No, come over here and help me! You're my prostitute!" - Jocelyn
144. "Let's see how your hickey's doing. Oh, it looks happy." - Cebulko
→ Marnie later drew an awesomeface on the remains of Cebulko's hickeys. It was great.
145. Marnie: "How big is your ego?"
Cebulko: "Seven inches."
146. "Not now, I'm staring up this Piplup's anus." - Angel
147. "Let's have a vagina [pagina?] party!" - Katie (who will henceforth be referred to as "Nachos")
148. "I want to give birth to my weight in babies." - Angel
149. "He ate my neck!"
"That boy is a monster!"
150. "Not sexually or anything -- I just feel uncomfortable when I don't see your body."
151. "That was deep, man. Deep as -- "
"Balls."
152. "I fist your boobs a lot." - Angel
153. Jess: "I stimulated an orgy!"
Marnie: "That's kinda redundant..."
154. "Lady garden."
"Love cave."
"Dick socket."
155. "Nigel Thornberry spelunking in your love cave."
156. "What are we gonna do for hall bonding?"
"Can all of us make out? Or masturbate?"
"Can we jump out the window with our mattresses?"
158. Jess: "The piss is the other way!"
"...guys, I found the piss!"
159. "[via text] PDA RA: "Is that a bruise?..."
Eddie: "I think I have coverup for that"
Everyone else: "Hi Ryan's hickey. Hi Ryan." " - Cebulko
160. "She punched my dick off." - Jess
161. "I like playing Twister with old people." - Molly
162. "Mmmmm...bodies." - Marnie
163. "I can recognise you from the vagina up." - Jess
164. "My vagina and Jess have a long-distance relationship." - Nachos
165. "I can dig it. I can dig it haaaaard."
166. "Inflataballs." - Tess
167. "Someone's leg is in my vagina and I can't tell who it is. [Jess moves her leg] Oh, it's you." - Nachos
168. "Marnie! If Tess moves her leg back and forth it looks like I'm fucking Katie." - Jess
169. "She licked my eyelash." - Tess
170. "Stop fucking me with your leg!" - Nachos
171. "I have never felt so lesbian in my life." - Jess
172. "*patting crotch* Control yourself!"
173. "This is how babies are made: kissing. And if you have babies, you always die." - RA Eddie
174. "The early filter comes before it and the late filter comes after it. What is it?"
"...God."
175. "The drinks they have there are so full of a sugar and fat that they make you go into a coma instead of waking you up." - Joe
176. Marnie: "Are we supposed to be ethical [designing this experiment]?"
TA Becca: "Ehhhhh..."
177. "You would not see Bugs Bunny on the campus of Disney World. If you did he would be shot and turned into a stew." - Joe
178. "Goofy and Pluto are messed up. They're both dogs. One can speak, but the other is a dog-dog. One's a person. The other is property. Disney was probably trying to tell us that slavery is okay." - Joe
179. "I'm so scared that at dinner I'm going to eat my mustache..." - Tess [only at CTY.]
180. "He is such a penis!" - Nick
181. "Do you have, like, two vaginas or something?" - Nachos ("Seriously, every quote I have in that [this] book is about vaginas.")
182. "...like that penis-boy over there." - Nick
183. Marnie: "We should just call you [Nick] Nick-penis."
Nachos: "NickDick."
184. "My mom won't even let me watch porn!" - Nick
185. Ben: "How are you wearing that hat? It's so humid!"
Aaron: "You're so humid!"
186. "HE'S WRITING ON HER CROTCH!" - Ryan regarding Cebulko and Marnie to pretty much the entire quad
187. "I can cure leukemia with AIDS." - Ryan
188. "[talking about change blindness] Now, if you had someone in a white shirt and it was suddenly covered in blood, hopefully you'd notice -- " - Joe
189. "Any excuse will work to increase compliance. Like, if you're in the line for the copy machine -- 'Can I get in front of you? I need to make some copies.'". - Joe
190. "Make room for Jesus, you guys...wait, no, that could get really awkward." - Matt (Jesus) to Myan (Ryan and Marnie)
191. "*drawing unicorn racing to Nachos's crotch* Follow that unicorn on the road to love..."
192. Alex: *shows hickey*
Marnie: "I'm so proud of you!"
Alex: "I'm not your child..."
193. "Does anyone have any questions? Comments? Psalms, prayers, interpretive dances?" - Joe
194. Nick: "Was the cashier [with "pretty eyes and flowing hair"] male or female?"
Trevor: "Female."
Dan: "Kohanski has pretty eyes and flowing hair..."
195. "Hey, look! We implanted a false memory of mashed potatoes!" - Trevor
196. "I hope you don't have to repress any memories of Bugs Bunny." - Joe
197. "'Blood and Crackers.' Sounds like a rap song, doesn't it?" - Joe
198. "Oh my god, there's an ant! I'm gonna kill it with Emma Watson!" - Jess
199. Marnie: "*spraying whipped cream into Nachos's mouth* This isn't sexual."
Nachos: "Hold on, let me swallow."
200. "You [Jeff Sachs] had to make sure he [Gregina] was the right girl for you." - Nick (Courting and Wooing)
201. "Foot in the door. You must first get your foot in her door -- " - Jeff Sachs (Courting and Wooing)
202. "What if she likes Justin Bieber? ...What if he likes Justin Bieber?" - Cebulko (Courting and Wooing)
203. "Sociology says that you're much more likely to kill someone else's genetic...issue than your own." - Joe
204. "A dance is not a contract. But it's very nice -- yes, it's very, very nice." - Jeff Sachs (Courting and Wooing)
205. "Consensuality is sexy." - Graeme
206. "Birthday...slavery?" - Trevor
207. "If we're not Facebook friends already, I'm going to accept your friend request and then immediately defriend you." - Trevor
208. Marnie: "I'm sleeping with her [Nachos]."
Nick: "Sleeping as in roomies, or sleeping as in...contact?"
209. "[to Jess] Do British people have souls?" - Joe
210. "So I was peeing and Theo just walks in, goes to the same urinal I was using, takes it out, and starts peeing. And I'm just standing there, right behind him. So I move to another urinal and I start peeing and he starts singing Bohemian Rhapsody." - Alex
211. "Exclusion for the lulz!" - Joe
212. "I decided to abstain from marriage." - Nick
213. "They [Turkey Hill drinks] are full of sugar. Which is awesome." - Joe
214. "[regarding a hypothetical situation in which someone with a heavy Southern accent wins a car] They'll be like, 'Dale, whaddya wanna do with the car?' 'I'm gonna draaaaave it around!'" - Joe
215. Radiolab: Choice: "This is Radiolab. Bitches."
Joe: "It's okay. They think we're all female dogs."
216. "You got seduced by an apple that's a fake watermelon with an anus." - Radiolab: Choice
217. "Do you know why he's so sexy? Is it his face? Nooooo! Is it his body? Nooooo! It's his suuuuunglasses! Sooooooooo hot!" - Nick
218. "These don't do -- [long pause] -- crap." - Angel
219. "What lovely tits singing outside!"
220. "[to Alex on his birthday] Why don't you ask for some birthday hickeys? Bickeys?" - Tess
221. "[singing opera in Chinese] Your hair is like tofu. Your eyes are like small black things." - Nick
222. "Dan, your hairy legs tickle my dick." - Nick
223. "Old creepy ways? As opposed to your new creepy ways?" - Dan, to Nick
224. "What we're saying is Boat 2.0 is...Boat." - Ted
225. "[out of complete silence] Point of parliamentary inquiry -- " - Nick
226. "OBJECTION! Speaking out of turn." - Trevor
227. "Do you ever get it deep in your throat and inhale it?" - Angel and Molly regarding salt and vinegar chips
228. "Every CTYer has a child inside them -- "
Nachos: "We're all pregnant."
229. "*blaaaaaarghhhh* That's my mating call. I make that noise and all the biddies come to me." - Marnie
230. "Solve both using each heuristic:
*Brute force
*Hill climbing
*Working backwards
*Means-ends analysis
*Karate"
- Joe
231. "Your hickey looks like it's going to eat your vagina. Or give birth to another hickey. Towards your vagina."
232. "I need to create three different states of light bulb."
233. Joe: "Why is it better to have round manhole covers than square ones?"
Rebecca: "So bigger people can fit through them?"
Ted: "...so the manholes are circular."
234. Dan: "Throw some Mentos in an ice cube, add diet Coke -- "
Joe: "That is evil!"
235. "But you're [Alex] Jack Black! You can do anything! Jack Black sat on a candlestick -- " - Nick
236. "Kohanski is number one / Number one, number one / Kohanski is number one / His sexy is so good" - Nick
237. "Marry me!"
Erik: "What about the kids?"
238. "He has a dangerous liver problem. [New choice!] He has a dangerous face problem."
239. "Did you dig around or through the center?"
Graeme: "What are you, Dora?" (Press Conference: dug a hole to China with a toothbrush)
240. "O Great and Mighty Monks, what is your favourite pickup line?"
"Russians. Are. Not. Allowed. To. Pants. Period."
241. "O Great and Mighty Monks, what is your favourite food?"
"Pants. Period."
242. "O Great and Mighty Monks, who's that Pokemon?"
"Arnold. Period."
243. "[burp]" - Yoni, Trevor, Angel, Cebulko
244. "Does anyone want to suck my penis? And by penis, I mean penis." - Jonah
245. "You look so 3-D today!" - Cebulko
246. "Katie, can I hickey you?" - Nick
247. "Dan, your penis makes me happy." - Angel
248. "A third world country. Like Facebook."
249. "Come here, Gayboy, I've got to put this Chao in you." - Vince
250. "Diphthongs? Don't talk dirty in class!" - Joe
251. "Obviously I can do all these things at the same time, but I don't because I want to foil your dreams." - Joe
252. Rebecca: "Can we do [hear] the Mexico accent?"
Joe: "Yeah, but it might be interrupted by gang violence."
253. "Just in case you didn't pick it up, they're dancing with zombies in a post-apocalyptic world." - Trevor regarding the Party Rock Anthem video
254. "What's so funny about my face?!" - Nick
255. "No one is allowed to leave until all the friendship stuff is put away."
256. "Excuse me, miss -- could you please move your [love] tape so it's less nipple-y?" - F&M dining staff (or Rachel?) to Marnie
257. "Danny, you changed races!" - Ted
258. "'For sale: mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with a round bottom for efficient beating.' Get a little kinky, you guys." - Joe
259. "[to Myan] I'm gonna leave for twenty minutes. You guys can go do whatever until the next RA gets here."
260. "Make babies. Have joyous relations." - Trevor
261. "...so in conclusion, my seventh grade science teacher was a gorilla-smuggling harpy." - Trevor
262. "Eat the damn penguins." - Radiolab: Animal Minds
263. "You're pooping her!" - Jess
264. "You're a natural."
"You're a wizard, Harry!"
265. "I'm Erik, I'm gay, and I'm a firm believer in Chanel." - Erik
266. "What time does it start?"
"ALWAYS. IT NEVER ENDS."
267. "There was this cave of phallus-shaped rocks -- " (Late to Work)
268. "...synchronised coal mining!" - Alex
269. "Polar bears. (New choice!) Panda bears! (New choice!) Koala bears! (New choice!) ...Pedobears!"
270. "We should take the Atlantic Ocean and push it somewhere else." - Graeme
271. Matt: "Oh god -- my tongue -- it's melting! -- "
Alex (as Matt's subconscious): "It's because of my love for her."
272. "O Great and Mighty Sphinx, which is better: the fedora or the fez?"
"Definitely the something swagg is better in my pants."
273. "Vaginas on motorcycles! Motorcycles on vaginas! Motorcycles on motors!" - Aaron
274. "I want four organic whole-grain vaginas. Right now." - Alex 275. "I would like you to know that he is eating certified organic all natural vagina." - Alex
276. "Vaginacakes." - Alex
277. "It's a slippery slope, Marnie. First your bare feet, then your leg, then your thigh, and then your vagina. You're gonna be walking around with your vagina." - Jonah
278. "You should give ice cream to a homeless person. In the middle of winter." - Mindy
279. "If your friends are depressed, just flash them [with a sun lamp]." - Rebecca
280. "I want to lose my virginity right now!" - Nick
281. "She's just holding onto my hips so hard it'd be dangerous to dislodge her..." - Dan giving Rebecca a piggyback ride
282. "Juliet warms and brightens Romeo...that's what love is. I'm kidding, love is a strong feeling of personal attachment induced by sympathetic understanding and ardent affection." - Joe
283. Trevor: "Why would you lie about that [brushing your teeth]?"
Molly: "So you can do it again."
284. "Juliet, like the sun to the world, warms and brightens Romeo. Juliet does not, however, cause Romeo drought or destroy the ozone layer." - Joe
285. "So, surface similarity: West Side Story is like Romeo and Juliet. Structural similarity: Tony is analogous to Romeo, Maria is analogous to Juliet. Source and mapping to predictions: everybody's gonna die." - Joe
286. "Kohanski: his hair long." - Alex (It's a SG: TNG reference.)
287. Nick: "When he [Leonardo DiCaprio] fell in the pool it was so hot."
Joe: "I appreciate your enthusiasm and passion for the class, but..."
288. "[in Arnold Schwarzenegger voice] It's not a love child if I don't love her."
289. "CTY, passing The Duck! CTY, we love you! Passing The Duck, Passing The Duck, CTY, we love you!" - Shae and Jeff Sachs during Passing of The Duck
290. "Nick! Burping in someone's face is not an acceptable form of foreplay!" - Tess
291. "You punched my life in the face, Katie. You took my life's heart, broke it into a million pieces, and then you shoved them up my life's ass. You kicked my life -- you kicked my life in the balls. You took my life's used underwear, crumpled it up, and then you put it in your...I'm not even going to finish that."
292. "Toad decides that he does not want willpower, and goes home to bake a cake." - Nudge
293. "[before making out as a substitute for Dennis at Passing of The Duck] You're so straight, Ryan. Stop being so straight." - Marnie
294. "Yesterday you randomly came up to me and said 'vagina'..."
295. "I don't need to actually have sex with you, but I haven't sucked your penis yet, and honestly I'm kind of offended." - Erik
296. "The difference between Jesus and Satan isn't that Jesus is good and Satan is bad. The difference between Jesus and Satan is that Jesus is good, and Satan is good sex." - Erik
297. "Lace is pretty baller." - Joe
298. "My speech is dedicated to Sean Lake, because I said I would dedicate my life to him, and he said okay." - Alex
299. Sean Lake: "What's the first thing I told you about in this class?"
"Testicles falling slowly into the sea!"
300. "What if I told you everything in this class is about what's in my pants?" - Sean Lake

Bonus Quotes (scrounged from @curtainlurker's Twitter account):
301. "So is this a dom/sub relationship or...I don't really have a choice, do I."
302. "I love Asian jelly stuff!" - Rebecca?
303. "At CTY we respect people of all races, genders, religious backgrounds, sexual orientations, kinks, and fetishes."
304. "Lancaster has a jail? For what, speeding on horses?"
305. "Think of all the guys going to Victoria's Secret buying bras so they can say they have girlfriends..."
306. "The advertisement burns the child chicken."
307. "My dick's name is Dawn. Are you ready for the Dawn to rise?"
308. "Are you just gonna throw hot wax on them?"
309. "Are you eating it [an Asian jelly...thing] like a white person?"
"You have to push it up and suck."
310. "Go on a rampage of hymen breaking!"
"Serial hymen breaker!"
311. "...and somehow they ended up taping their dicks together."
312. "Boob dubstep! *wubwubwubwub*"
313. "Queefs, man, they go like 'woooooop!'"
314. Marnie: "Do guys really clap their balls together?"
Jonah: "Do chicks seriously flap their vaginas?"
315. "Our hall is the bomb swaggity." - Nachos
316. "What did he do with his feet with his balls?"
317. "Let me protect you from this giant penos."
318. "I should start a show...Shae's Anatomy." - Shae
319. "Jeff and Zev is one of my favourite RAs here."
320. "You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out. You put your left foot in and you secretly make out."
321. "If I was a guy I would stick my penis into a donut."