Spencer

The spread of the epic tales of Spencer started in the first week of 08.1 in Lancaster when “Spencer: Demi-God or RA” was offered as an activity. About 15 people (if not less) showed up at the Center Arches, but no RAs were in sight. Soon enough, Dr. Elstein and Dr. Finklestien came carrying important charts and time lines. At the end of the period, Spencer was called, and it was confirmed that he was a demi-god. This was the birth of Spencerology. Since the students of the first class showed interest in continuing their studies, another activity was offered the second week called “Advanced Spencerology”. There were a lot more students at this activity and there were more important charts. “Spencerology PHD” was offered during one of the last activity periods and after a minute of recap, all the students received final exams. After the exams, everyone heard how Spencer changed RA Rachel’s life and then they wrote letters.

The 5 Levels of Spencer

(From top to bottom)

• Gentleness – Seat of his first motorcycle was covered with sheepskin and memory foam underneath.
• Seduction – He once wooed a flock of geese by laying out a heart shaped pattern of bread crumbs in front of the Washington memorial
• Bear -
• Quality Control – Spencer has been known to volunteer manage sweatshops and make them even more efficient with lower costs.
• Heartache – She has been known not to call, lately.

Note: In RA Ryan's notes, 'Bear' has no description. Perhaps that was an oversight, as Spencer had a deep connection with the polar bear cubs whose mother he murdered. However, it might also be an indication that no more need be said other than the word 'Bear', and that alone should suffice.

Early Life

• Born in Manitoba- July 3, 1974
• Fun fact-Spencer was born with a neatly trimmed goatee and heightened sense of smell
• Age 4- Ran away from home and killed a mother polar bear with an X-acto knife then mothered the cubs Coco and Lollipop
• Age 6- Arrested twice for leading his biker gang through a Labor Day Parade
• Age 6 ½- Broke out of jail by simply swinging his lanyard (This incident later became the inspiration for the movie "Jailbreak".)

Middle Childhood “The Golden Years”

• Age 9- Began planning a coup to overtake Lithuania
• Age 10- Cubs became a common sight in Central Park. 5 cops mysteriously mauled
• Age 11- Completed coup but accidentally led to his conquest of Liberia due to MapQuest error. Peace reigned for 6 years

The CTY Years- Age 12

• Got Admin to change the final song of the dance from “Material Girl” to “American Pie”
• Created 4 Square
• Got lights out pushed back from 4:30 to 10:30
• Led first ever student revolt, marched to Baltimore, fasted for 100 days so that sleepovers might last all night long.

Songs inspired/based on Spencer

• “Don’t Stop Believing“ - Spencer was the city boy
• “American Pie” - Spencer baked the American Pie
• “Final Countdown” - Spencer had this song written as a countdown to lights out for his hall
• “Stairway to Heaven” - Spencer built the Stairway to Heaven
• “Shot Through the Heart” - Spencer gave love a bad name
• “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and “Oops! I Did It Again” - Spencer hit Britney Spears one more time and then he did it again

Things That Make Spencer Cry

1 Puppies that get hit by semis	9 When she doesn’t call
2 Ramen	10 Kittens drowning
3 The Olsen Twins	11 Intolerance
4 Popped collars	12 Hallmark Cards and Kodak Moments
5 King or Queen of Diamonds	13 Senators from states with odd-numbered amounts of letters
6 The color blue	14 Toupees
7 Beef and broccoli	15 Too much banana flavored shampoo
8 When she calls

Spencer's Visions for the Future

• A world with no noses
• Paper that talks back to you
• Fruit loops
• A version of the game Kickball where you use a washing machine instead of a ball
• Liberia and/or Lithuania will be the lone world power
• The world will reform into Pangaea, except for Australia, because Spencer is mortally afraid of marsupials (However this was somewhat cured when he helped Rachel turn from a platypus into a human)
• Sheepskin/memory foam butt padding on all pants
• Cars run on freeze pops
• People operate on 73 minutes of sleep a day, also a result of freeze pop technology
• Pandas are safe
• Elephants no longer exist. Neither does elephant abuse.
• Dart boards are a little larger so that people's egos are preserved
• Surgically implanted dog ears
• World peace

Poems

Spencer, Spencer, the polar bear killer.
Mother of two
How did you start you talented youth.
Where is the beginning? Where, the truth?
CTY exists and you do too.
How can we succumb to this awesome feat?
By showing our stars in troubled sleep?
Where did thine power, from whence thou didst frow?
Where is the butter, of old moo cow?
Where the shame of sheep covered seat?
Memory foam laden, gentle behind?
CTY created thine lustrous art. Spencer destructed,
Infinite loop.

Spencer the Flourine Creator
Flourine, oh Flourine
Flourinee, Flourine.
Spencer one day, on his patio porch,
Created an element, with a spoon and a torch.
He fathered the father of clean white teeth,
In regards to Spencer, everyone is beneath.

---

The following poem was recited by Andrew at the 08.1 Talent Show:

A Manitoba man show me your goatee of jubilee and what did he do with an army,
You take over Liberia or Lithuania ,you exude gentleness, seduction, bear, quality control and heartache.
And stuffy nose of anecdote tell us of cell phone usage 2000-2008, where’s 2007 and 2008?
Spencer, you sly fox
Polar bear mothers crouch in fear and trepidation
You and a knife made for cutting balsa wood into miniature rocket fins that soar so high above the ? like your coolness
Show me your face abracadabra
Paul Revere
When you cry, you shed no tears, only cure diseases
Colonel Mustard lookalike with a scruffy facial hair
Scruffy persona scruffy polar bear cubs forced to adopt into your home is where Spencer’s heart is
But Spencer’s heart is everywhere and anywhere and Spencer did
Did the chicken or did the egg Spencer knows, he was inside the egg!
He saw, he saw the answer before the riddle was born before the egg had hatched
He is the alpha and omega and he doesn’t even know Greek
No he doesn’t he knows all languages
He is always the primary source and he doesn’t double check
You Spencer, mother of two
Child of who?

The author of this article (Trisha) would like to point out that this poem was transcribed from a recording of the Talent Show performance and as such it may not be completely accurate. Sorry :(

Other Important Facts and Moments

Spencer really likes to eat at Bennigan's. He ate at the F&M cafeteria only once on meatloaf night. The next time he walked in, he realized he could teleport out and eat good food.

The activity periods were full of great moments. During "Advanced Spencerology," stickers were handed out and it was stressed that you were to take one. Just one. JUST ONE! During "Spencerology PHD," pens were passed out for the test. This has been seen as a mistake by some since they were thrown by students. Also anyone caught talking was assumed to be cheating and such their test would be marked up. One person had the multiple-choice part of their test ripped out.

Behind the Scenes
Spencer was the lovechild of RAs Bo and Ryan. Here is how it came about:
Within the first few days of RA orientation it was apparent that another RA was a no-show. No one knew anything about why he never showed up but just for shits and giggles a few of the RAs started making wild speculations about the possible reasons. All that was known was that the RA's name was Spencer, and somehow the idea was formed (most likely by Bo or Pucci) that some mythos surrounded Spencer. Bo and Ryan sat down on the floor near the supply room as a bunch of other RAs came and went getting supplies, and just asked them for little tidbits of Spencer to flesh out the character (Pucci and Richard helped a bunch in this regard):

• Invented a version of the game “kickball” where you use a washing machine instead of a kickball
• Lights out was very simple on spencer’s hall because he could turn out all the lights with his mind
• He ate a whole summer’s worth of food in one afternoon and had to farm/harvest/cook the whole summer’s worth of food the next afternoon in repayment
• Spencer was the original Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader
• Spencer’s chubby bunny is 199. He could have done 200, but he felt that he had nothing further to prove.

Addendum by RA Ryan: Lancaster 08 was my fourth and last year working for CTY, having previously been an RA at Bethlehem my first year and then Thousand Oaks the other two years. While at Thousand Oaks, I was blessed to work with incredibly gifted and creative RAs who masterminded activities that were precursors to what Spencer would become:

• Jonathan's Getting Married: A weeklong activity that had the kids prepare for RA Jonathan's wedding. Unbeknownst to the kids, Jonathan was not getting married at CTY on a Friday night, and thus on that Friday, RA Dave, pretending to be Jonathan's fiance, called off the wedding.
• Some kind of Psychoanalysis activity: The same week that RA Jonathan was doing his wedding preparation activity, RA Dave affected the tone of an Austrian psychoanalyst and did some kind of psychoanalysis half-goofy/half-real activity. On Friday he took all his kids from his activity over to Jonathan's activity and helped Jonathan deal with the emotional baggage that he was dealing with from the break-up. It was pure genius.
• History of Ryan: This most closely mirrors what would become known as Spencerology, and was the brainchild of SRA Brandon. It was basically me with a bunch of drawings made up by SRA Brandon just spouting off ridiculous facts about my life that were obviously not true.

I think when you're an RA for long enough, you start to realize that the sky's the limit in terms of what batshit insane activities the kids will get into, and it really took until my 3rd or 4th year for me to embrace it.

Links

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJg_hbM8YLA - The Poem Recited at the Talent Show

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCQbm7gM4qE - A Sample of Spencerology