The Schnade

The Schnade is a LAN disease that gained great momentum and notoriety during 07.2. It is the disease one gets from living in Schnader Hall, but it can also infect people who have made out with Schnader residents. Although most CTYers had never heard of the Schnade until 07.2, this may be only because Schnader was most widely used in 07.2, since every girls' hall except for two was located there. Veteran Schnader RAs and students have been heard asserting the existence of the Schnade in past years.

Symptoms of the Schnade include coughing, sneezing, dizziness, sore throat, congestion, runny nose, swollen sinuses, a generally horrible feeling of despair and lack of belief in anything good in life. People inflicted with the Schnade flooded the health offices, desperate for Sudafed, Actifed, and the most wonderful cough drops in existence, Cepacol. After a while the nurses limited us to one Cepacol at a time, after which an intense demand rose up, and someone with a pack of maybe three Cepacol was more popular than a drug dealer. There was at least one incident of someone making out with someone else to get to the Cepacol inside their mouth.

About halfway through the session, an ugly specter reared its head: the Schnade v.2, also called Xtreme TB. The Schnade v.2 was much like the Schnade except that its victims coughed up mucus and blood. The nurses dismissed the coughing blood as a perfectly normal symptom and gave them more Cepacol.

Although rumors were flying about the Schnade v.3, it never really materialized. Some people say that the Schnade v.4 is chicken pox, but this is silly. Chicken pox materialized in South Ben, and may therefore be a part of the SB, an illness that was not as widely known or as horrible.

Causes of the Schnade are widely theorized about. Many people point to Schnader's legendary humidity/dampness as the source, and others blame the massive amounts of mold growing in Schnader's showers and air conditioners. Still others are skeptics and believe that the Schnade is just an ordinary infectious illness and had nothing to do with its victims' place of residence. These people have never lived in Schnader Hall.

One person with the Schnade v.2 was diagnosed with pneumonia when she returned home, but the doctor told her it was not contagious unless she actually coughed up mucus into someone's mouth, which she assures me she did not. Also, the other people with Schnade v.2 were not diagnosed with pneumonia, so that cannot explain the entire epidemic.