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| − | "The Sticky Bonds of Friendship"—Seriously?
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| − | This title sounds like it came straight out of a third-rate inspirational blog. Sticky bonds? What is this, a Hallmark card? Just say “The Great Honey Disaster” and call it a day.
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| − | A Whole Paragraph to Say ‘We Got Sticky’
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| − | Why does it take an entire introduction to explain that this is a story about honey-fueled chaos? If your essay was honey, it would be 90% water. Just say, “We went feral with a honey bear at CTY, and it was glorious.” Boom—done.
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| − | A Carton of Honey? Do You Even Know What That Means?
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| − | “Among other things, he sent me a carton of honey.” A carton? Like a milk carton? Do you pour it into a bowl and drink it? If you mean a plastic honey bear, say that. Otherwise, I’m picturing you chugging honey like a psychopath.
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| − | What’s With This Movie Commentary?
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| − | “While watching The Andromeda Strain (crappy movie, by the way… amusing in spite of that or, more likely, because of it).”
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| − | Oh, so now you're a film critic? We get it, you thought the movie sucked. Move on. The honey is the star of the show, not your lukewarm sci-fi takes.
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| − | We Get It, Honey is Sticky
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| − | You spend paragraphs describing how sticky everything got. We understand—honey is sticky. Do we need a scientific breakdown? At one point, you even write: “Sticky and smooth.” What does that even mean? Pick one.
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| − | This Escalated Quickly
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| − | It starts off wholesome—just some kids snacking on honey. Then suddenly it’s Lord of the Flies, but with bees. “We chased each other, jumped each other, and just plain old covered each other in honey.” If someone walked in on this, they’d think they just interrupted a bizarre cult ritual.
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| − | A Bittersweet Hug?
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| − | “One can’t avoid offering the bittersweet hug…” Oh please. There is nothing bittersweet about smothering your friends in honey and watching them suffer. That’s just comedy gold.
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| − | The Takeaway: Honey, Hormones, and Poor Choices
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| − | So, what did we learn from all this? Nothing, really—except that when you put a group of teenagers together with an absurd amount of honey, chaos is inevitable. And maybe, just maybe, you should have led with that instead of an entire paragraph about receiving a package.
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| − | 10/10 for entertainment value, 2/10 for efficiency.
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