Hall:LOU

Postnikovism

Postnikovism is the term for the variety of communism espoused by Alexander Postnikov (Александр Постников to the inducted) and his followers in the Communist Conversion Center. Postnikovism has little relation to most branches of communism, although it regards all of its predecessors (Marx, Lenin, Castro, etc.) as honored forefathers. Postnikovists are identifiable by their insistence that 2+2=5 and a constant litany of "Hail Marx", "Hail Lenin", and occasionally "Hail Castro" or "Hail Mao".

Official Postnikovist Song

"Communist Song", by Alexander Postnikov himself.

We shall attack with the red machine,
transforming us into mutant dreams.
How afraid are they of me,
riding tanks through crowds that scream?

Wielding guns and RPGs,
reclaiming messed up bloody streets,
a living monster is what I see:
a fire-breathing red machine!

Official Postnikovist Handshake

When two Postnikovists meet, the first thing that they will do is offer a "Hail Marx" (the official Postnikovist greeting), followed quickly by the official Postnikovist handshake, performed as follows:

• Both Postnikovists raise their hands with two fingers extended (index and middle), as if counting manually
• The hands are struck together
• The left hands fingers are retracted, while the right hand opens to create a manual "5"
• Both Postnikovists give a high-five while simultaneously stating "two plus two equals five"
• As an alternative to "two plus two equals five", a Postnikovist may offer the Russian equivalent: "два плус два пять" (transliterated: "dva plus dva pyat'"

Gothic Alternatives

Due to Nat Harrington's efforts in the study of Gothic, Postnikovism has several Gothic expressions that may be substituted for the English, as well as an exhortation:

• háils Marksa: "hail Marx"
• twái jah twái sind fimf: "two and two are five"
• urreisjái sa Prolaítarjats: "let the Proletariat rise up"