Spencer
The spread of the epic tales of Spencer started in the first week of 08.1 in Lancaster when “Spencer: Demi-God or RA” was offered as an activity. About 15 people (if not less) showed up at the Center Arches but no RAs were in sight. Soon enough Dr. Elstein and Dr. Finklestien came carrying important charts and time lines. At the end of the period Spencer was called and it was confirmed that he was a demi-god. This was the birth of Spencerology.Since the students of the first class showed interest in continuing their studies, another activity was offered the second week called “Advanced Spencerology”. There were a lot more students at this activity and there were more important charts. “Spencerology PHD” was offered during one of the last activity period and after a minute of recap all the students received final exams. After the exams everyone heard how Spencer changed RA Rachel’s life and then we wrote letters.
Contents
5 levels of Spencer from bottom to top
Gentleness
Seduction
Bear
Quality Control
Heartache
Early Life
Born in Manitoba- July 3, 1974
Fun fact-Spencer was born with a neatly trimmed goatee and heightened sense of smell
Age 4- Ran away from home and killed a mother polar bear with an X-acto knife then mothered the cubs Coco and Lollipop
Age 6- Arrested twice for leading his biker gang through a Labor Day Parade
Age 6 ½- Broke out of jail by simply swinging his lanyard (this incident later became the inspiration for the movie "Jailbreak.)
Middle Childhood “The Golden Years”
Age 9- Began planning a coup to overtake Lithuania
Age 10- Cubs became a common sight in Central Park. 5 cops mysteriously mauled
Age 11- Completed coup but accidentally led to his conquest of Liberia due to MapQuest error. Peace reigned for 6 years
The CTY Years- Age 12
-Got Admin to change the final song of the dance from “Material Girl” to “American Pie”
-Created 4 Square
-Got lights out pushed back from 4:30 to 10:30
-Led first ever student revolt, marched to Baltimore, fasted for 100 days so that sleepovers might last all night long.
Songs inspired/based on Spencer
“Don’t Stop Believing “-Spencer was the city boy
“American Pie”-Spencer baked the American Pie
“Final Countdown”-Spencer had this song written as a countdown to lights out for his hall
“Stairway to Heaven”-Spencer built the Stairway to Heaven
“Shot Through the Heart”-(I can't remember, sorry! -Trisha)
“Hit Me Baby One More Time” and “Oops! I Did It Again”-Spencer hit Britney Spears one more time and then he did it again
Things That Make Spencer Cry
| 1 Puppies that get hit by semis | 9 When she doesn’t |
| 2 Ramen | 10 Kittens drowning |
| 3 The Olsen Twins | 11 Intolerance |
| 4 Popped collars | 12 Hallmark Cards and Kodak Moments |
| 5 King or Queen of Diamonds | 13 Senators from states with odd-numbered amounts of letters |
| 6 The color blue | 14 Toupees |
| 7 Beef and broccoli | 15 Too much banana flavored shampoo |
| 8 When she calls |
Spencer's Visions for the Future
- A world with no noses
- Paper that talks back to you
- Fruit loops
- A version of the game kickball where you use a washing machine instead of a ball
- Liberia and/or Lithuania will be the lone world power
- The world will reform into Pangaea, except for Australia, because Spencer is mortally afraid of marsupials (However this was somewhat cured when he helped Rachel turn from a platypus into a human)
- Sheepskin/memory foam butt padding on all pants
- Cars run on freeze pops
- People operate on 73 minutes of sleep a day, also a result of freeze pop technology
- Pandas are safe
- Elephants no longer exist. Neither does elephant abuse
- Dart boards are a little larger, so that people's egos are preserved
- Surgically implanted dog ears
- World peace
Poems
Spencer,Spencer,the polar bear killer.
Mother of 2
How did you start you talented youth.
Where is the beginning? Where, the truth?
CTY Exists and you do too.
How can we succumb to this awesome feat?
By showing our starts in our troubled sleep?
Where did thine power, from whence thou didst frow?
Where is the butter, of old moo cow?
Where the shame of sheep covered seat?
Memory foam laden, gentle behind?
CTY created thine lustrous art. Spencer destructed,
Infinite loop.
The following poem was recited by Andrew at the 08.1 Talent Show
A Manitoba man show me your goatee of jubilee and what did he do with an army,
You take over Liberia or Lithuania ,you exude gentleness, seduction, bear, quality control and heartache.
And stuffy nose of anecdote tell us of cell phone usage 2000-2008, where’s 2007 and 2008?
Spencer you sly fox
Polar bear mothers crouch in fear and trepidation
You and a knife made for cutting balsa wood into miniature rocket fins that soar so high above the ? like your coolness
Show me your face abracadabra
Paul Revere
When you cry you shed no tear only cure diseases
Colonel Mustard lookalike with a scruffy facial hair, scruffy persona scruffy polar bear cubs forced to adopt into your home is where Spencer’s heart is
But Spencer’s heart is everywhere and anywhere and Spencer did
Did the chicken or did the egg Spencer knows, he was inside the egg! He saw, he saw the answer before the riddle was born before the egg had hatched
He is the alpha and omega and he doesn’t even know Greek
No he doesn’t he knows all languages
He is always the primary source and he doesn’t double check
You Spencer, mother of two
Child of who?
-The author of this article would like to point out that this poem was transcribed from a recording of the Talent Show performance and as such it may not be completely accurate. Sorry :(
Other Important Facts and Moments
Spencer really likes to eat at Bennigan's. He ate at the F&M cafeteria only once on meatloaf night. The next time he walked in he realized he could teleport out and eat good food. The activity periods were full of great moments. During "Advanced Spencerology" stickers were handed out and it was stressed that you were to take one. Just one. JUST ONE! During "Spencerology PHD" pens were passed out for the test. This has been seen as a mistake by some since they were thrown by students. Also anyone caught talking was assumed to be cheating and such their test would be marked up. One person had the multiple-choice part of their test ripped out.
Links
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SJg_hbM8YLA -The Poem Recited at the Talent Show
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCQbm7gM4qE -A Sample of Spencerology
