Silent Football

Silent Football is one of the most amazing CTY games and is played at many sites, although most commonly at Lancaster. It was supposedly brought to Lancaster by one Richard West.

Silent Football is played with at least three (preferably seven or more) players, one of whom is Mr. Dictator (usually regardless of gender). These players sit in a circle so that each player can see each other player's knees. This circle of players is called "The Universe," and nothing outside the universe exists - they are hallucinations. When the game starts, free speech is revoked and players may not speak unless called upon by Mr. Dictator. Players pass the Silent Football and try as hard as they can not to screw up. If a player screws up, he or she may be awarded Penance Points. When a player reaches five Penance Points, the game is over, the player has lost, and all other players have not lost. Alternatively, when the game is forced to end, the players with five or more Penance Points lose. Also, if the game ends prematurely, some versions require the player with the most Penance Points to "lose." The player(s) who loses must perform an embarrassing action decided upon by the winning portion of the universe. Mr. Dictator can lose. This can be very funny.

A rumor that was rampant during LAN 05.2 was that at midnight each night, the RAs would play Silent Football, leaving the halls unsupervised. This was tested and the results were that although there were no Silent Football games, that halls were, indeed, left unsupervised.

Player Names

In Silent Football, players do not keep their names from outside of The Universe.

Players go around The Universe and choose names for themselves. There are three parts to any name:

1. Words
   • The words can be anything one's heart desires. Shorter is generally preferred, and if it has any heinous pronouns (these will be covered later) the name must be in quotes. Non-word noises are also acceptable, so long as the other players are able to repeat them.
2. Tone
   • One may use as silly a tone as one wishes; for example, if a player states their name in a low deep grumble, then all other players referring to said player must say the name using a similar low deep grumble.
3. Gestures
   • If any gestures are used when saying the name, then those gestures must be mimicked every time one refers to the player.

Mr. Dictator

Mr. Dictator is usually simply chosen by consensus, but methods may vary.

Offensive Moves

There are two offensive moves in Silent Football.

Fwap

The first offensive move is called the fwap (sometimes also called the "thwap"). One performs a fwap by hitting one's knees in combinations of right knee and left knee. One must hit one's right knee with one's right hand and one's left knee with one's left hand. Doing otherwise would be silly, and a player may receive Penance Points, or, alternatively, may have to listen to the tentacles song.

Every hit of the right knee moves the Silent Football a space to the right. Every hit of the left knee moves the Silent Football one space to the left. One may hit one's knees in any combination of rights and lefts with a few restrictions;

• At no time may the Silent Football exceed 3 spaces to the right or left of a player.
• At no time may one pass the Silent Football to or through oneself. This is called a Cold Rush of Air and can turn you skin into Monster or peanuts, depending on the Dictator.
• If one receives the Silent Football from a fwap, a player may not change the net direction of said fwap (e.g., if A fwaps R-R-L to B, B must fwap to the right, because B sits to the right of A).
• A player may fwap a fwap, but a player may not fwap a fwapped fwap.
• By some rules, a fwap may only last 5 seconds, although this is discouraged due to the resultant inability to create massive fwappage ensembles.
• If a fwap is interrupted, (either by someone raising his hand or by someone trying to pass the silent football during a pause in the fwap), the fwap continues on as if nothing has happened.

Because of the additive nature of this move, the terminology becomes, at times, confusing. Both the entire move and a single slap of the knee may be known as a "fwap." Some choose, then, to call the entire move a "fwappage ensemble," or simply a "fwappage."

Zoom

The second offensive move is called the zoom. The zoom is performed by making a fist and extending one's straightened arm in any direction. One must make direct eye contact with the player he/she wishes to zoom to, though he/she need not point your fist at the receiving player (this can be quite confusing). The player who receives the eye contact is passed the silent football. Some rules state that the fist must point at the intended recipient, but fist direction is generally ignored.

• A player may zoom a zoom, but a player may not zoom a zoomed zoom.

Defensive Moves

There are two defensive moves in Silent Football.

Shrug

The first defensive move is the shrug. The shrug is performed just as the name implies: one raises one's shoulders. The shrug passes the Silent Football back to the player who passed it.

• One may shrug a shrug, but one may never shrug a shrugged shrug.

Shrodem

The second defensive move is the shrodem, also sometimes spelled "shrotum" or "schrodem." The shrodem is performed by taking one's left hand and placing it horizontally across one's chest. One then places one's right elbow on one's left fingers, and places one's right fingers on one's temple. If this is not preformed correctly, a player may tattle. ("So-and-so, what is quote this (preforms player's silly move) unquote? This is not a shrodem. Quote this (preforms move correctly) unquote is a shrodem!") The shrodem passes the Silent Football back to the player who passed it.

• One may shrodem a shrodem, but one may never shrodem a shrodemed shrodem.

Now one may ask, "Why two moves? They do the same thing." Wrong. They are different. They are pronounced differently, they are spelled differently, and they are performed differently. There is one more important rule about shrodems and shrugs, and this is the most important rule of Silent Football. Breaking this rule is like dividing the universe by zero and will cause the universe and everyone in it to scream out in pain.

ONE MAY NEVER SHRUG A SHRODEM OR SHRODEM A SHRUG

Tattling

If one sees a player break one of the rules of Silent Football, one may raise one's hand in order to inform Mr. Dictator of the rule breaking. Here is the proper procedure for tattling:

1. Raise your hand.
2. Wait to be addressed by Mr. Dictator.
3. The first two words out of a player's mouth must be "Mr. Dictator."
4. State your concern.

Heinous Pronouns

There are a few restrictions to speech;

• One may never refer to a player by a player's real name, only the name assigned that player at the beginning of the game.
• One may not refer to other players using pronouns, for pronouns degrade people and make them feel bad.
  • One may refer to oneself with pronouns such as I, me, my, or the royal We.
  • One may refer to hallucinations with pronouns, for they are not people.
  • Relative pronouns or interrogative pronouns are not heinous.
  • When tattling on a player for using a heinous pronoun one must encase the pronoun in quotes by saying
    • "Mr. Dictator, player X has used the heinous pronoun quote (insert pronoun) unquote."
    • Some Mr. Dictators will not give themselves penance points, but if a Mr. Dictator does perform anything penance worthy, Mr. Dictator still should get the points. It is possible for Mr. Dictator to lose.
  • Airquotes are not quotes. They indicate love of bunny rabbits. If airquotes are used, then one will be asked if one loves bunny rabbits. If one says no, then one will receive penance points for perjury.

Hallucinations

All that exists is The Universe. If one reacts to a person or thing outside of The Universe, one is obviously reacting to hallucinations which are the result of hallucinogens. Hallucinations used to be called "Anarchist Communist Pigdog Forces," but the name changed sometime between CTY 04 and 06.

• Food and drink are part of the universe and are not hallucinations.
• Clothes and everything else brought into the Universe at the start of the game exists.
• If a hallucination blocks view of knees then Mr. Dictator may call jihad and allow the Universe to lick and/or tackle said hallucination.
• If one pulls up grass, one must eat it. Otherwise it is not food and is a hallucination. Alternatively, one will be diagnosed with having sexual tension and will be asked to describe the person or object that induced such. A favorite answer to this, of course, is "your mom." Who, of course, is a hallucination. This answer offers more problems than answers. One risk of this rule is, of course, the pesticides and fertilizers spread out on the grass. Therefore, circles having an RA Mr. Dictator usually assign penance points right off the bat for grass picking.
• Music and Hammertime exist in the universe.
• Also, in Lancaster, Turkey Hill, the sacred store, exsists in all universes.
• Random flailing gestures (such as seizures) may be made at any time.

Jihad

Mr. Dictator can call a Jihad upon noticing that a hallucination is interfering too often or too drastically. Jihad is different for different groups; some groups even physically beat the hallucinations, but this is discouraged due to great risk and history of injury. Licking is often a less harmful, if also less sanitary, alternative.

NOTE: This is not an actual rule, it is a practice that has arisen recently.

Losing Silent Football

Once a player has attained 5 Penance Points, said player has lost. Alternatively, when the game is forced to end, those players with five or more Penance Points lose. Also if the game ends prematurely, some versions require the player with the most points to "lose." The Universe must decide proper compensation for having disrupted The Universe so deeply. The loser must perform an embarrassing action (for example, dressing up funny for a whole day). However, this cannot involve unwilling volunteers. For instance, having to grab the buttocks of that attractive head cheerleader is not acceptable penance unless said cheerleader agrees to it. The penance can, however, involve unwilling penitents.

Online Version

There is a CTY Lancaster Silent Football Facebook group, where Silent Football is played online. Anyone may join this group. The rules are as follows:

Beginning the Game

Make a list of all those playing. The order of the list is essentially like the order of people sitting around in the universe. The list shall be posted on the News for the Group and should include both names for each player.

Moving the Football

The Football is moved by posting a Fwap, which shall be done like so: "F(l/r)." The letters in parentheses indicate the direction of the fwap and can be repeated, moving one space for each F, either left or right (i.e. Fr Fr Fl Fr is fwapping twice to the right, once to the left, and once more to the right). A zoom is done by posting "Zoom: [Zoomee]" as email and messaging make this far too complicated, and difficult to spot one who drops the silent football. Shrugs and Shrotums are self-explanatory. A player has a day (more or less) to respond; if players do not respond in the alloted time, they have dropped the football. If the player is unable to access the computer for a lengthened period of time, the player may request permission from Mr. Dictator not to be penalized for any time restraints.

Talking

When the universe is in order, one may not post on the board except to get Mr. Dictator's attention, which would be done by posting ::raising a hand:: or some equivalent of that. Mr. Dictator will then ask what said player has to say, and the player shall respond. All rules for talking in actual Silent Football apply in the online version; however, more rules are added, including Penance Points being awarded for poor grammar, typos, and netspeak. If no Penance Points are able to be awarded, heinous crimes will broaden (i.e., only posting when the minutes are an odd number, or penalizing by length of the inquiry). However, Mr. Dictator may not inform the universe of these new heinous crimes until a heinous crime is committed.

Many thanks to Christine for this wonderful idea and rules.