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| − | I am Daisy. If you're here, you're either my friend or you're confused as to why you shouldn't trust the beavers. | + | I am Daisy. If you're here, you're either my friend or you lost the game. |
| | I hope you're having a lovely week! | | I hope you're having a lovely week! |
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| | I like you, I love you, I CTY you. | | I like you, I love you, I CTY you. |
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| − | I lost the game. | + | I lost the game. |
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| | ==Random Stuff From Random People== | | ==Random Stuff From Random People== |
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| | Daisy, you're a wonderful person. I'll miss you! - Jacob | | Daisy, you're a wonderful person. I'll miss you! - Jacob |
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| − | ==On My Time as Empress==
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| − | I don't know if anyone will read this but I don't know where else to put it so here goes.
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| − | You probably know this, but I was Empress for SAR 19.2. It was a great honor serving my community. It was also a nightmare.
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| − | I became an empress because both of the elected empresses couldn't come back, so I got nominated to take one of their places. I was chosen partially because of my love for the camp and vast knowledge of tradition, but mostly because there was literally no one else they could find. Literally no one. I guess 18.2 had a drought of one-more girls or something.
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| − | One of the empresses reached out to me. For privacy purposes, I'll call the emperors R and V (randomly chosen letters). At first, I assumed she had told the emperors that I was chosen, but after not hearing anything from them I asked for their numbers. Looking back, I find it odd that I was the first to take the initiative and reach out to the rest of the royalty, considering I was new.
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| − | I texted R and V, and they seemed friendly at first. Apparently, they hadn't had anything planned for the session (which was months away), so I don't think I missed much. When the session got closer, I texted them about our plans for the session (theme days, nevermore tokens, etc). I tried to ask about their ideas, but they didn't really offer much, so usually I would suggest something and everyone would go along with it. I would ask things like "okay, so who wants to do what?" and usually would get something like "I'm good with whatever" or no response at all.
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| − | I ended up running much of the pre-session planning. I designed the posters for theme days, organized lists of things we needed, bought extra masking tape/glowsticks, and designed the back of the token. R took charge of the tokens and was our unofficial treasurer. V, on the other hand, really didn't do much other than give vague input on ideas. I didn't comment on this, hoping he was just busy and that he would pick up the slack when we got to camp.
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| − | Then there was the issue of finding a second empress. We all agreed to try to find someone. This was a bit of a challenge; I was at session 1 the year before, not session 2, so I didn't have much contact with the 18.2 one-mores, and again, there weren't that many to begin with. Still, you'd figure with five people (emperors, me, and non-returning empresses plus friends) working together to find someone one of us would find someone, but the rest of the royalty didn't find anyone. We decided we would find someone to fill the role when we got to camp.
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| − | However, a few nights before camp, I got a text from an old friend who knew someone who could be empress. I texted this person, then the royalty group chat to tell them I might've finally found someone to be the second empress.
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| − | Immediately, V was angry. He said I shouldn't have done that, that I had made a decision without them, that we were supposed to wait for a vote at session, and that I had made some poor kid think they were gonna be empress.
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| − | I could have argued back. I could have pointed out that I hadn't promised the person that they would be empress, just that we were looking for someone. I could have pointed out that I had texted the royalty group chat to ask them what we should do. I could have pointed out that having a second empress chosen before the session started would be easier and less stressful than finding someone and holding a vote (plus 2/3 of us weren't even elected we were nominated). But even though I should've pointed all of that out, I didn't. Instead, I apologized and told him I would stop texting this person so we could have a vote at camp. I barely knew these guys. I didn't want to start out the session with a bad relationship with them. So I just kept quiet to keep the peace. I went to bed with my heart racing, paniking that I had made a bad first impression and that the rest of the royalty would hate me.
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| − | Unfortunately, that wasn't the end of it. The first meeting day didn't allieviate any anxiety. I sat down at the table with two guys I had barely met that day plus the Trap God (Sports Organizer, for non-SAR folks). The only person I knew was the blammo god (we'll call him B). Immediately, V took charge of the meeting, outlining plans he had that he had never mentioned before. He mentioned a lot of stuff that I had already tried to talk about in the royalty group chat. I tried to fit into the conversation, but I just felt left out and confused. The rest of the guys nodded like they already knew what he was talking about. Before I knew it, the meeting was adjourned after V and R said we were going to have a nevermore meeting to choose the second empress.
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| − | I didn't find out this until later, but apparently, B confronted V about the meeting afterward. B pointed out that V tried to keep me from contributing to the meeting, and that it looked like he wanted me to be left out. V's response? "Yeah, I know".
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| − | Even though I had done most of the work, even though I even apologized for simply doing my job, V still didn't trust me as a member of the royalty.
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| − | For the next few days, most of our meetings went like this; V acting like he was in charge, the rest of us nodding along, me trying to run things behind the scenes. There was so much I wanted to plan and do, but I was terrified that if I spoke up, I would be ignored, shot down, or accused of being too bossy.
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| − | We had the election. The same kid I texted earlier about being a part of royalty was elected. She ended up being a great empress, and I am thankful she was a part of our team. My only wish is that I had held my ground and nominated her to be empress before the session.
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| − | Things didn't change until one student found out that I wasn't included in the Transcendence Act for the talent show. This actually didn't bother me. Transcendence had always been run and performed by a group of guy friends, so I didn't mind that I wasn't asked to be a part of it. However, session 1 had included a few girls in their Transcendence Act, so the student called V sexist.
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| − | When faced with the threat of being 'canceled' (as the kids call it), V suddenly changed. He apologized, saying he didn't realize he was coming off as sexist. He said he didn't know much about the Transcendence Act when he was handed the frisbee relic and he didn't know he could include girls in it. He offered me an apology and a spot in Transcendence.
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| − | Again, not being in the act didn't bother me, but I accepted his apology and joined. He also tried to find another girl to join but only chose a squirrel who didn't really know much about it. I think someone else was chosen or we tried to find someone people, but they dropped out. The two of us were taught the dance in 15 minutes, still confused as to what was going on.
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| − | Things did get a bit better after that. V started actually listening including me in meetings. We actually started to get more stuff done. And yet, I still felt stressed. I still was taking the initiative much of the time in organizing traditions, like building the TARDIS for Fandom Day. To make matters worse, R and V had forgotten some of the traditions, like the dances to some of the canon songs, so the time we could've spent teaching squirrels was spent reteaching R and V what they had forgotten.
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| − | I know this sounds small, but most of our lunch meetings were held at R and V's table by their friend group. Yes, CTY is like one big family, and most people will say we all get along at the end of the day, but there are still divisions that are clearly visible in the cafeteria. Kids that play frisbee sit at one table. Rave kids sit at another. And so on. I didn't mind at first, but I felt sad when the other empress and I gave up so much of my time with our friends to sit at R and V's corner of the cafeteria, where they would often talk to their friends during discussions. Again, it was small, and I don't believe it was intentional, but it bugged me just a little.
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| − | With so much on my plate, I was stressed most of the time. I remember asking for a moment of silence/memorial at passionfruit for a student who had passed away two years ago. It would've been her nevermore year. I had suggested it, but many kids at the table didn't remember her, and there was a long, awkward moment of silence.
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| − | I got back to my dorm, curled up into a ball against the wall like I had done so many times when my anxiety was overwhelming, and then just cried. I was constantly trying to find the right balance between doing everything and not too much that I felt like I hadn't done anything productive. I was a failure of an empress, I told myself.
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| − | R and V did apologize, with little messages on sticky notes at the end of RASK (honestly, R didn't really need to apologize, though calling out V on his bs earlier would have been appreciated. he was mostly nice to me). Rest of session, I tried to keep my head up. V had become much nicer, although he often would speak to me as if he was treading on eggshells. He would ask me to move meeting times sometimes, saying it was for something important. I oblidged, even though there was much we needed to get done. I was still cautious of upsetting the careful peace we had gotten to.
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| − | I was so disoriented and stressed that I completely forgot to hold the Last Supper. Hell, I wasn't even sure what the Last Supper was supposed to look like. Isn't that hilarious; out of the four of us that were supposed preserve traditions, none of us remembered the Last Supper. I still would beat myself up about it, angry that I had forgotten something so big and important as the Last Supper. I felt awful that all I could give the nevermores for their last day was a hastily held vote in the rain and no dinner in the upstairs dining room.
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| − | The last day of camp came and went. All the tears I should've cried on the way home were spent on stress. I was sad that camp was over, yet even more upset that I hadn't done enough.
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| − | It's been nearly two years now. I mostly got over it as I was swept away by the events of the school year and relationships and the like. I had hardly thought about it until I got into a conversation with B about a week ago.
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| − | We were talking about our years at camp when we got to 19.2 and the royalty for that year. B then told me that a few kids from V's table had gone up to him at the beginning of session, asking him why I wasn't doing anything.
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| − | Wasn't doing anything? The only reason we managed to get anything off the ground was because I took the initiatve. Why the ever-loving hell would they think I wasn't doing anything?
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| − | B then said he told them I had done much of the work, and apparently the kids had gotten the impression that it was a collaborative effort that V was leading.
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| − | I have never heard such fucking bullshit in my life.
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| − | And now, I'm here. "What's the point of me writing this?" I ask myself as I near the end of my story. I really don't harbor any bad will towards V. I'm not here to ruin his life. I'm not writing to make myself out at the perfect empress(I was certainly not).
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| − | I just want everyone to know the truth. I pray that my story will serve as a cautionary tale to future royalty. I don't want anyone, I repeat, ANYONE, to have to go through what I did. I hope that future teams of royalty will work together much better than we did.
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| − | And to the future emperor or empress that's reading this. Don't be like V, but also, don't be like me. If you see something wrong, if you're being mistreated, you stand up and call it out. Don't give a shit about being too bossy or crap like that. What matters is that you get your job done, and every CTYer leaves with memories that they'll remember for a long time.
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| − | Be better.
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I am Daisy. If you're here, you're either my friend or you lost the game.
I hope you're having a lovely week!
Sessions
BRI 15.2 UNAG (BabyCTY)
RA: Janet
Roommates: Lauren, AJ, Mary (Jimmy), and also Dorothy sometimes
Memories: Everybody's It, Nuke Em, muffins, being New Zealand and Germany, Space Vikings
RA: Marissa
Roommate: Elan
Crazy Friend Group That Didn't Think About Artichokes: Dot, Lara, Sasha, Hudson, Rhys, and Joey
Memories: American Pie, circle of feelings, burritos, salt and pepper shakers, talent show act with Dot, Harry Potter, being a squirrel,
SAR 17.2 LOGC
RA: Abby
Roommate: Angie
Classmates: Aidan Parilla, Alice Zhang, Albert Tang, Albert Zhang, Angie Zhong, Amy Hidalgo, David Wang, Eilidh Kaune, Ella Feinberg, Kelly Kong, Lauren Liu, Nicholas Lawson, Olivia Ren, Susannah Abrams, Yvonne Chen
Memories: weird quotes, pineapple day, music, raving, serial killers, Satan and God, fallacy, talent show again, goofiness in general
SAR 18.1 POLY
What I thought was my nomore year
RA: Maria
Dorm Block Mates: Sydney, Helen, and Christine (and Leah, Sophia, and Ashley, 'cause they visited so often)
Instructor: Rupa Roy
TA: Esther Brito
Classmates: Ashley, Sophie, Sydney, Helen, Christine, Sebastian, Jackson, Thorton, Maya, Kat, and Alex
Cult Members: Dot, Robert, Helen, Sara, Natalie, Ben, Leah, Anjali, Bianca, Kate, Bam, Alyssa, Audrey, Julia, Deb, and many, many more people
Notable Memories: expanded the cult, became cult leader, passed on the title of cult leader to Dot, raving, farmer's market, Interpol Shenanigans, passing out candy, 'It's lights out", bulletproof, getting further in blammo, passionfruit, crying so, so much, and so many more memories.
SAR 19.1 Writing Your World
Hall Mates and Cult Members: Many wonderful people that can't all fit in one list. I love you all <3.
Hello! If you're reading this, you probably know me as the empress of 19.2. It was an incredible honor to serve the community that practically raised me and gave me a home away from home where I felt accepted and loved. I've gotten to experience so many things and I have met so many wonderful people that I wouldn't have ever met otherwise. Seven months after my last session, I just realized that I'm not going back to CTY this summer. I will miss all of you so much. My door is always open and I will always be here to talk to anyone from CTY, whether you need advice, a dumb dad joke to laugh at, or just someone to talk to.
I like you, I love you, I CTY you.
I lost the game.
Random Stuff From Random People
Yo!
Miss you Daisy ❤️
🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸- Rhys
Daisy, you're a wonderful person. I'll miss you! - Jacob
